In the midst of shivering with fear, I rejoice...

[sueroxmysox]

Good news, bad news...which first? Hmmm...

Well, the bad is all conjecture right now so I'll post it first. To begin this tactfully, um, certain functions in my female body are QUITE awry...I have to get a biopsy this past Tuesday to see what the deal is. It hurt, guys! It put me on my back for most of the last 2 days and if it wasn't for some relief and Cabin Fever, I'd still be home resting. But, honestly, I can't help being scared. I think biopsy--cancer! The two go hand in hand for me. I've got enough crap in my life without adding a life-threatening disease to the mix. I don' wanna die! :sobs: Really, I don't. That would suck bricks, actually. I'm still young and I want to take a bite chunk out of life and KEEP ON NIBBLING! Well, hopefully, I'm just being kinda hydrocondriac-like/paranoid/imagining the worse. I'll find out in 3 weeks. **shudders as I wait**


So, yeah, that news isn't so great... :irk:


Good news? Okay. As of July 28th, 2009, I've been on a mission. I decided to get my life on track and lose some poundage--heart disease and high blood pressure and obesity run in my family and I don't want to be a victim! That would suck, too. So, I got in touch with a nutritionist, my doc, and, at their request, a psychotherapist. Oh, on the psychotherapist tip, it was assumed that I was an "emotional eater"--I'm not. I was "socially preconditioned to eating as a bonding/acceptance mechanism, further confounded by growing up in a family that used food as showing love". Hilarious!!!

Anyway, here's the news! As of Wednesday, October 7, 2009, I've reached my FIRST short term weight loss goal of 50 lbs! I'm now officially 50.7 lbs lighter! Hell, I just dropped a kindergartener! Wh00t!!!!! And I'm ready for the holidays, for parties and meals, and going out to eat and EVERYTHING! You guys would not BELIEVE how motivated I am! I'm gonna DO this!

So, let's see what good things I've gotten in this process...

My stomach and appetite's shrinking; I can walk over a MILE, now; I can wear a shoe 1/2 to 1 size smaller, depending on the maker; I no longer impulse shop and crave lots of junkfood anymore--once in a blue, but hardly ever; my energy level's up; I can walk a flight of steps withough huffing and panting; I FINALLY understand how to read and interpret the NUTRIONAL FACTS label on food containers; my near double chin is now nearly non-existent; I can zip my coat up, now and there's ROOM between my gut and the coat zipper; my knees don't hurt as much as they used to; when I take my walks, now, I don't need a break between the route; I feel generally healthy and good about myself!!! :yay:

So, that's been my life for a while. I even wrote a poem about the process called 'Losing Me' that I'm posting in a bit.

I hope eveyone is well. And I ask, if anyone reading this is a believer in the power of prayer, fate, Karma, luck, what have you, please keep me in mind. The cancer thing isn't a pleasant thought and I can't shake it and I just really am scared. Thanks! have a groovy day!!

[sueroxmysox]

Hopefully, at the worst, it's just as I've been told to assume it is...fybroid tumors (sp?). Basically, it happens a lot in bigger women, something to the fact that we get lots of pain, irregular bleeding, sometimes hemmoraging (sp?) and other not-so-lovely side affects. :sobs: My godsister had it and it wasn't pretty. To this day, I'm still afraid to ask if she had to get a hysterectomy or not. Sort or the out-of-sight-out-of-mind/ignorance is bliss reaction. :irk: But, we shall see. Can I have a hug?

[shaelyn]

Hopefully, at the worst, it's just as I've been told to assume it is...fybroid tumors (sp?). Basically, it happens a lot in bigger women, something to the fact that we get lots of pain, irregular bleeding, sometimes hemmoraging (sp?) and other not-so-lovely side affects. :sobs: My godsister had it and it wasn't pretty. To this day, I'm still afraid to ask if she had to get a hysterectomy or not. Sort or the out-of-sight-out-of-mind/ignorance is bliss reaction. :irk: But, we shall see. Can I have a hug?

As many as you need. :) :hug: :hugs:

[Sasami86]

Of course you can have a hug!! :hugs: :hug:

[sueroxmysox]

http://i398.photobucket.com/albums/pp65/miguel_12urbina/eldelspacedjohanna.gif
OMG! I'm so happy I could cry!!!!!!!! I don't have cancer!!!! Non, not a bit of it! Zilch!!! Thank you, GOD!!!!!!!

Okay, so I'm in Superfresh on Monday and I get a call from the doctor that did my biopsy--2 weeks early, mind you--and she says there are no cancerous or pre-cancerous findings from the lab results!!! I think I scared the bejeebus out of half the staff and customers in Superfresh when I shrieked in joy. Yes, I do...and I was LOUD! So, like 15 seconds after I stiffled my joy, I was embarassed as all hell, but, can you blame me? Folks, you just never know how good your life is until you think you may lose it, suddenly or gradually. I'm still reeling!! Now, I'm still going through the weird issues that made the biopsy necessary in the first place and so, now, they want to try yet ANOTHER form of birth control on my to stop the flow. First was the Depo-Prevera shot 2 months ago--FAILED!--and now they want to give me an IUD. Okay, first thought was "Owwwwie! Is this gonna hurt?" and the next, I had to giggle a little. An IUD... Honestly, it screamed 1982 to me but, hey, I guess it still has its uses, huh? Ironic for a woman like me who knew at the tender age of 10 she NEVER wanted kids (...more ironic, still to have custody of my neice, besides the fact...).


So, I'm so happy and I'll say it again...

http://i398.photobucket.com/albums/pp65/miguel_12urbina/eldelspacedjohanna.gif

Oh, highlights on the weight loss, since I tied it in, in the beginning. I'm now 57.3 lbs lighter and I start my first Weight Watchers meeting tonight. My nutritionist and, well, pretty much ALL the staff at the clinic I use are so happy and proud the made me blush this past Tuesday and Wednesday! I got gifts and a card and a really cool promise reward for a certain weight loss goal from my therapist. I feel so special and spoiled and happy and grateful!

And, you, all who've read and commented either here or in the ChatBox or on my Visitor Page; every thought, every pic, every well wish and prayer--SO appreciated. I never took for granted the power of support and prayer and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart! :hugs:


I'm a dang happy camper, today! :dancing:


Now, I've got to be a "big girl" and get this IUD put in me--no numbing meds, either, sadists those docs can be!--but, I have a very low threshhold for pain. I don't like it at all. For now, I'm just basking in happiness and trying to convince myself to get the procedure done and over with without flinching and cowering at the though and constantly putting it off. **shudders**

[sueroxmysox]

http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii57/6c5/Chelieeee/Lifeeee/oh.jpg

Good news or bad news first...hell, is EITHER good news?

Um, TECHNICALLY good news first. I'm scheduled to get my IUD inserted on the 19th and HOPEFULLY it will stop all the icky, pain-filled, bloated, tiring, crampy, irritating side effects I've been going through since my nearly 2-month visit from Ant Flo began. Untill then, I've got to pop these pills twice a day to HOPEFULLY stop the flow. Here's hoping! I want my body to belong to ME again! UGH!!!!!!!! Of course, to quote the great Daffy Duck, "I'm not like most people--pain hurts me." I'm scared. Can't help it. No matter how easy and minimally pain-filled the doctors keep trying to tell me the procedure is, I'm a wimp about pain. I'm also not a hugely big fan of folks tinkereing around in my personal space, if you get my drift. Yeah, I get what a cyberbud I know was saying now about pregnancy and lack of privacy in that instance (I'll NEVER have kids!!! :lol: ) and I agree--I don't even want to do the yearly thing us women have to do!! It's been months and months of "internal investigations" and I feel like a bushel of fruit--probed, squeezed, prodded and observed to death. But, to make this stop, I'll have to suck it up and be brave--pray for me! I'm really resisting this even though I KNOW it may be my best chance!

Since this post started with two topics, let me touch on the other one--the BAD news! I friggin' PLATEAUED (sp?)!!!!!!!!! Basically, after a week of carefully eating and walking my arse off, I friggin' GAINED 7 oz since my last weigh-in! I'm so BUMMED and I'm trying not to cry! My nutritionist said there's no telling how long this can last but it's normal for folks losing weight to stop losing or even gain a little in the process of losing weight. I've been warned for months now and it's like this: the brain and the emotions are at WAR! I get logic, folks; goofy and random as I am, I swear I get stuff. I KNOW this is normal and won't last forever...I just don't like it! It's damned depressing when I'm working so hard and resisting bad habits--hell, I didn't even have any junkfood on Halloween for cripes sake!!!!--all for this bull--it!!! No, I didn't clean my fridge of icecream or veg out or lock myself in my house and moan, I still walked and ate well and tried to be positive. But it's hard, y'all! I've never been so excited about a major project since I started working on my book and it's disheartening to see it all go down the tubes like this. :sobs: Anyone here ever go through this? How'd you cope? I've been told I need support right now and I'm trying to be open to that but I'm--unrealistically, mostly--ashamed! Can't shake it! I was told to bite the bullet and go to my Weight Watchers meeting tonight but I really don't wanna. I know they won't be judgmental but I'm...okay, I'll admit it, I'm kinda fragile right now, like I don't know how to be, how to handle this. It's such a regular thing, I've been told. To me, it's devastating. Can I have a hug?

[Sasami86]

I hope you can stay positive through your crisis. Thinking positively always helps me through bad situations. ^^
Here are your hugs!!! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Dante]

I wish you all the luck in the world! Stay strong, stay positive and lean on those who love you. You'll see that eveything will right itself if you do your very best and believe in yourself.

lots of :hug:

[sueroxmysox]

http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab153/xxsweptawayx/artohcrap.jpg

For once, the bad thing actually HELPED the good--go fig!

Okay, I was almost scared of posting this in case it was a fluke and shows up differently next week but, by some friggin' MIRACLE, I was weighed at Weight Watchers at the metting I EVENTUALLY manned up and went to and it showed a 2.2 lb loss form the last weigh-in. :dancing: I nearly dislocated my jaw grinning!! I was so sad talking to the group leader before I finally got enough courage to get on that scale that I was tearing up (and I really ain't much of a cryer, guys). But, I did and the difference from that day (Thursday) and the day before was AMAZING! I was told that it was most likely fluid/water retension from what I'd been going through for nearly 2 months and all the walking I did that day--33 1/2 blocks and the 22 oz Arizona Diet Iced tea I drank were a big boon, too. You see, as far as I've been told, caffiene has two effects on folks--a diaretic (sp?) or a dehydrator--one makes you tinkle like a race horse (weird phrase, huh? :lol:) and the other has the potential to give one the runs: I'm the former. It somehow helped me tinkle out a lot of the retained water and viola, a 2.2 lb weight loss.

Let's hear it for caffeine! :yay:

Another thing that I fear though, is how what I'm used to eating lately, since my appetite's really off is that I'm not eating all my points--sometimes, barely half--and I was warned that if I keep it up, I would either stop losing wieght for a time or even, weirdly start gaining as my body/metabolism adjusts. Sucks to gain weight with less food. My body is just wonky. I've been making myself eat pizza and lasagna on those "don't wanna eat"/12 point days" to up the points at least to the mid 20's to early 30's. I'm not even craving General Tso Chicken anymore! Amazing how little appetite I have lately but, when my abdominal area is affected the way it's been for WEEKS, I just can't get it up for all those "filling foods". Is it weird that I feel like I'm overeating trying to stick with the points system for Weight Watchers? Never thought I'd say this but I can't WAIT until they bring my points down a LOT! Thanks for letting me vent, folks! :hug:

[sueroxmysox]

Wanna know how I'm feeling right now?

This: http://i806.photobucket.com/albums/yy350/Capri305/crying.jpg

And this: http://i806.photobucket.com/albums/yy350/Capri305/crying_baby.jpg

And, let's not forget this: http://i757.photobucket.com/albums/xx218/jjalover1991/1021091315c.jpg

(cuz, I'm SO not in a good place right now--in pain, discouraged, frustrated, getting tired of trying...)

Well, thanks, CC. Let's hope I luck up again cuz--believe this sh** or not, I'm back to the same weight as last week BEFORE my little stunt with caffeine detoxing...oh, wait, 1 oz HEAVIER!!! WTFH!!!!!!!!!!! Now, I tried for 2 weeks to eat all that extra food the points system encourages me to eat and walked, if not twice as much, at least 40% more to make up for the days when I was actually able to eat more than a meal. I think it's the extra food I tried to make myself to eat moreso than this dang plateau thing. Logic--more grub, more fatty foods: less weight loss. So, I said the hell with THAT and I've gone back to my nutritionist's plan. I'm not being a big coward/baby this week and, yes, I AM going to my meeting (though, if these UBER cramps didn't ease up from about an hr ago, that would've been a no can-do--could hardly sit up at a 75 degree angle, y'all!!!). I had a LOT of coffee yesterday and a 23 oz arizone diet tea this morning so let's hope it works today. **crosses fingers and PRAYS those debilitating cramps stay away for the rest of the day...and my LIFE**

[sueroxmysox]

Please ignore my continued sulking...

http://i199.photobucket.com/albums/aa22/jiru1987/Inuyasha/100Pout.jpg

http://i328.photobucket.com/albums/l339/Zyras_1982/funny/cat10.jpg

http://i155.photobucket.com/albums/s309/ratavanoci/sulk.jpg

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f94/GoddessDiscord618/IRsulking.jpg


Okay, so I was brave and mature and went to the WW meeting and got on the scale. Heh...lost .2 lbs (probably from using the restroom before I got on the scale). But, I'm glad I went because my discussion leader brought up some good points to ponder. I'm in my 4th week with them and at 9 lbs weight loss exactly, I'm over my weekly goal or 1 or 2 lbs a week. I'm also noticing that my coat is miraculously getting looser even though I feel like a bloated beach whale. And my "miracle pants"--the ones I could reach any hirer than my upper thighs 3 months ago--now fit me COMFORTABLY, are now loosening up a little on me (not practically falling off my arse, like the other pair, but I have to adjust them every half hour or so). And, honestly, I'm still not craving candy much. When I do, even though Weight Watchers allows a person to eat anything with a mind to moderation, I'd just usually rather not indulge. So, yeah, I'm not happy 'bout this crap with the weight going all "standstill" on me, but there ARE some good things still happening to me. Thanks, everyone, for your continued support and encouragement as I rant, rave and sulk...and sulk some more. **huggles**

As for the other, well, my main fear is that I'm one of those weird cases where nobody--doctors or specialists--can figure me out and I get a disease named after me. I hope I'm just being paranoid...

http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f235/wannabegrunt7/movies/aladdin/jasminesulk.png

[gin-hayashi85]

Just a note. Muscle weighs more then fat. If you arent seeing weight loss but are seeing yourself get thinner its probably that transfer from fat to muscle. Id focus less on the scale and more on how your body is trimming down regardless.

[sueroxmysox]

Gawd, gin, that's so much easier said than done. I mean, yeah, I officially see a difference in some of my clothes now and I've been assured by more than one person of just what you've said--I know and remember what everyone's warned me about with muscle mass and plateaus and metabolic adjustments and all--it's the working on my mind, getting un-used to basing things on the scale and trusting that everything I'm doing is working with no digital proof, that's the downfall. I'm very tactile...or should I say literal? I need facts, definite estimates, absolute proof, as a general way of seeing things and when I don't, I tend to give up. Well, no, I used to give up--as weird as it seemed to get a therapist to go along with weight loss when I started, I'm glad I did--now I see that change isn't just hard/challenging to me, it's darn scary!! So, with no tangible proof, for the most part, I'm floundering. I'm working on chilling out, though, I really am. I know I can be redundant and whiny but it's actually therapuetic; gets it out of my system and since I'm such a stickler for typos--or the lack thereof--I post rants. Then, later, when it niggles at my brain that I've left a typo, I re-read for just that and catch, really catch, what I wrote in a huff of indignation and take it in again. I think part of me runs scared at the reality of what I've written and wants to delete it all but I don't; not because I'm scared of sharing my ills with the masses--might help someone down the line--but just to see how much of a stranglehold I have on what I think is the be all and end all of this journey and the facts that work against that. Truth is the light, right? So, I let it stay. The pics are a little dramatic, though... :lol: But, they describe my feelings, I feel, better than my words ever can. Well, I pledge to make this Day 1 of my gripe-free week and I'll just see how things go on Thursday...wish me luck with that! :lol:

[sueroxmysox]

How do I feel? Well...

http://i737.photobucket.com/albums/xx19/DeadlyG16/donttouchme1.jpg
http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p278/ilovesmesomeyaoi/Icons/Naruto/violated.gif http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f226/FatCat21/thhehehe.jpg

So, I'm now the "proud" owner of a MERINA (a little info to those who wanna know: http://www.mirena-us.com/index.jsp?wt.mc_id=MIS113196 )! Am I jumping for joy? Hardly...I'm hurting and oddly enough have been encouraged to "keep up my regular fitness regimine" from the monster, er, doctor who fitted me with the friggin' contraption. And, lemme tell ya, folks, this sh** HURTS!!!!!!! I can't sit without slouching or scooching low in the chair for comfort; I'm still a little leery of going to tinkle or do anything, actually, that puts any pressure in that general area of my body; I'm popping pain killers like PEZ and my diet consists of tea, coffee, crackers and fruit...and sugar-free mints. Thinking back to that appointment when I talked that poor doctor to death, peppering her with various questions--and changing my mind about getting the procedure done about 3 or 4 times...SERIOUSLY--I'm surprised she didn't sigh with frustration; but homegirl was most patient, professional, honest (to a shudder-worthy fault--especially about the potential dangers :sobs: ), and observant. She could tell I was scared as hell and didn't pressure me. Finally, though, I manned up and got the darn thing! Can we say "ouchy!"? Those "cramps that are all normal to the process" during the procedure were excruciating intense!!! And why were there 3 people in the room? I'm already exposed WAY more than I'm comfortable being and now I'm on display to a small crowd. Jay-sus!!! Well, okay, so it's finally over and I'm cramping and trying not to cry and I'm still stewing over the fact that this IUD can take up to 6 MONTHS to kick in but isn't guaranteed to work. Well, gee, that kinda sucks... Still, it is free birth control--though, honestly, I don't really have a definite use for it any time soon.

If I wasn't trying to keep myself on point for Thanksgiving, I would've said screw the doctor's suggestion to "keep walking" and laid down under my heating blanket and slept for 3 days straight, waking only to chew saltines and fruit and pop pain killers. Am I a big baby? Maybe. But, shoot, I hurt, y'all! If this thing doesn't work for what ails me, I'm BEGGING for a hysterectomy!!! Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better, now...NOT!


I feel like hitting something! :Tetsusaiga:

[sueroxmysox]

Update on the friggin' MERINA (mispelled it last time)...

It's starting to do what it's designed to do--REALLY well, in fact! I've pretty much stopped as of 2 or 3 days ago with light spotting. So, in that, I'm rejoicing!!
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo102/YasuAndYumi/AGAIN.gif

I'm still hurting, though :sobs:...though, now I can sit up for an entire 4 or 5 hours before I start to hurt to the point of tears. The pain killers are doing the damn thing, though. My appetite's still off and I may skip Thanksgiving dinner this year, but otherwise, I'm getting better!!!!

I'm not exactly brimming with joy about the fact thatI didn't lose any weight this week, although I didn't gain either...but I was in so much pain yesterday, it took till just now for that to sink in--this SUCKS!!!!! :sobs:

Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate it!!!!!!

[sueroxmysox]

A sista is straight PO at herself right now...

http://i488.photobucket.com/albums/rr250/bover_87/headdesk.jpg

79.443739843084% of me just wants to give up...just throw up my hands and say "F#** this s@$&!!" Then I calm down and think...well, pretty much the same thing, just calmer.

Inside, I'm mugging like this... http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx25/yugiohvamp/darklooksfunny.jpg

Yeah buddy, it's getting hard, this weight loss thing. I'm not gonna give up, but I'm getting very frustrated. Lots of it was my fault, the lack of portion sizing since Thanksgiving; all the salt in the food; having to drink regular sodas for this TERRIBLE abdominal pain when diet wasn't available and chewwing on lots of pita crackers I forgot to monitor; being in so much pain I've only walked twice this week (I count my weeks starting every Wednesday) counting today (hurt too much to do simple exercises and walks)--I DETEST this dang MERINA!!! So, my game plan was I decided to eat the meals and leftovers and then take the rest of the week eating veggies...easier said than done. Dammit, I MISSED all those salty, fatty, grease-soaked foods! I didn't eat a ridiculous amount, mind you, but the lack of exercise and fresh fruits and veggies for the last 4 days is gonna cost me. Today, tomorrow, Tuesday and Wednesday are all dedicated to walking my arse off as much as possible. Best case scenario, I break even from last week...I seriously doubt it. I'm so disappointed and make no excuses. I messed up...a LOT. DARN IT!!!! :sobs:

My inner child just sighs. http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh19/tomboy51/disappointed.png


Well, I guess I do have a bit of good news to hold on to, kinda. My calves are so hard, I can literally bounce a quarter off of them. Yeah, I'm grasping at straws, I know...

[sueroxmysox]

H'Okay...I've got good news and even GREATER news!! (No sulking, ranting or crying from me--odd, huh? :lol: )


My good news: the MERINA is not defective, loose, or tearing a path through my body as I feared with all the aches and cramps and sharp pains I've had since I was fitted with it. So I was again violated, ahem, I mean "examined" as a follow-up, this morning--full of dry cereal and pain killer in case it had to be taken out, refitted or I had to get a new one put in--and found out that in spite of the fact that I can friggin' FEEL the "strings" now, it's normal and a slight descension isn't to be alarmed about. The pains are "normal" and nothing was found to be amiss. I still feel a bit defective but, what can I do? I've got up to 5 1/2 months more of these aches and twinges to look forward to, but they're lessening all the time. This is good news, indeed!

Cabbage Patch with me, guys!!!!
http://i289.photobucket.com/albums/ll227/hawkwing894/mangamonkeycabbagepatch.gif


And now, the GREATER news...


I lost 5 lbs--the week INCLUDING Thanksgiving and my minor fall off the wagon and I STILL lost 5 lbs!!! I'm so happy, I could do a cartwheel...I'm too out of shape to attempt it so I'll find someone to volunteer on my behalf. **searches web**

Ah! He should do niiiiiiiicely:
http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg299/iceflames96/Jonas%20Brothers/86y6b1s_th.gif

I'm so relieved, guys! I was all but ducking out my Nutritionist yesterday, even though I found out the day before my appointment wasn't entered into the clinic's computer, I still had to duck her out--she found me. What can I say? After 4 days of extensive exercising and dieting, I was hoping to at least break even--the friggin' scale kept saying I gained almost 3 lbs, dangit! But, as I said, she wouldn't let me duck her out, appointment or no, and took me as a walk-in appointment, literally MARCHED me to the scale and pushed a few buttons I forgot about before giving me the "Don't make me pull this car over, kids!" look and poiting to it. So I assumed a meekish "Yes'm" posture and got on. Whatever the heck those buttons she pushed were, the results she got were LOADS different than what I got. So, I sat there poleaxed refusing to accept what was right in front of my eyes until she offered to reweigh me. Logic and self-preservation says "Take it and run, girl!!!" but I was still harboring all that guilt and self-recrimination from 3 1/2 days of indulging so I HAD to know, ya know? Same thing. I was mute for an entire minute or more before I started rambling a mile a minute my disbelief/belated joy! Five lbs! Maybe I'm blowing this out of proprtion and maybe I AM to hard on myself, but I just KNEW I blew it! I've spent an entire week weighed down with gulit and self-recrimination from my fall off the food wagan and it's really been messing with me. I've NEVER been too chicken to deal with the consequences of my actions and weigh in, before; at Weight Watchers, yeah, a couple times...but NEVER with my Nutritionsit. She doesn't judge or badger are try to stuff perfection down my throat and actually encouraged me to eat some not-so-good for me things on Thanksgiving to get the cravings out the way so I could move on. It was me, all day long--my own self-doubt under what I saw as a crushing failure. I could face seeing the evidence on my own, but not in front of her. Dunno why. Huh. Glad I did, though! :)


Said it before and I'll say it again...
http://i398.photobucket.com/albums/pp65/miguel_12urbina/eldelspacedjohanna.gif


Well, yeah...happy camper am I!

[sueroxmysox]

Hey there! How ya be, guys (well, most likely, mostly ladies)?

As of this morning's weigh-in, that boasted a 7-lb weight loss--even after a week including my first McDonald's food since early summer and my first taste of barbeque chicken pizza--I'm now 84 lbs lighter. Can we say "Cowabunga!"? I sure can! I was damn naughty this week and lazy exercise-wise, too! Huh. I guess 2 days of PT and 1 day of exercise and another with a 1 1/2 hour tour of The American Visionary Art Museum did the trick. Go fig. Either way, I'm a very happy chick. :dancing:

But I have a question and would appreciate everyone honest imput. It's now 12-9-09 and with just over 3 weeks left in this month, I was wondering if my sudden thought was a plausible one. As I believe I mentioned in the first entry, my short-term goals in this weight loss journey are 50 lb incriments (sp?). I'm not brave enough yet to tell all of you how heavy I am yet, but let's just say my signature line about my weight?--very true! I'm a pretty thick chick. :lol: I was thinking, though, with all the success I've had in the last month or so, would it be realistic thinking to think I could lose an entire 100 lbs by the end of this year. As you all know, I'm a heavy thinker--I think too hard, am a little hard on myself, and get really bummed out when I fall from the mark. I've lots of support and encouragement from everyone virtual and actual, online and around the corner, up the street, next door, 11 blocks away! I've had moments, in the last week or so where 3 women from the clinic I go to compared me and my "miraculous" (huh?) weight loss to the contestants on 'The Biggest Loser'. Um, I think not. I'm motivated but don't wann pass out from exhaustion one day trying to be all bionic for the camera. But, I get the gist of what they're saying. There's surprise and pride and as some admit--which QUITE tickled me--envy and self-loathing in reference to their doing all the same things I do and not getting near the results. I'm getting off point...

The point is, I want to know if you think this is a realistic goal. My wieght has flunctuated a lot in the last two months--lots had to do with the irregular feminine moments I had before the MERINA and the adjustment period after it was inserted; some of it was an occasional salt-riden bag of chips or some microwave meal or piece of fried chicken...either way, I'm starting to regulate, now and wonder if it's okay to think that, yes, 16 lbs in the next 3 weeks is doable? Would I be setting myself up for a fall? Is this a realistic goal? There's the whole "muscle mass is heavier than fat" thing to take into account. Weight fluctuations, retained water, quirks, possible hiccups in the whole plateau/body adjustment thing, moments of weakness, social meals and parties...lots to take into account. But, tell me, do you think I can do it? Would it be healthy to lose an average of 5 1/2 lbs a week in a period in my weight loss where it's been said that 1-3 lbs a week is considered a normal weight loss at this point in the game. Really, I wanna know what you think. In the meantime, I'll keep you all posted week to week and, hopefully, I'll have great news to report by New Years Eve and a great start to the new year!

The MERINA is settling nicely and the pains are almost non-existant besides an occasional the occasional fetal position-rendering sharp pain and cramps that still sneak up on me every other day or so that last anywhere from a few second to a minute or 3. Lots better than how I started, when I could barely sit up straight for longer than an hour and just wanted to lay down, drink tea and whine piteously. Hallelujah!!

[gin-hayashi85]

How about you just try real hard the next couple weeks. Not enough to hurt yourself but just try and no slips on your part. If you succeed and lose say... more then 9 pounds you treat yourself to an awesome New Years treat? If not you just keep sticking to the same schedule anyway. That way you arent really setting up to fall just setting up to treat if you do awesome. (If you did reach 100 Id say definitely treat yourself... spa day and chocolate or something lol)

[sueroxmysox]

My GAWD, chocolate would be a LOVELY treat--but, alas, since I try--try being the operative word, here--to resist using food as a reward, I think I'd treat myself to a new pair of sneakers or a new outfit. Or maybe I'll just go out with a couple buddies and dance till I drop, have a couple drinks and flirt shamelessly with the males! :lol: Great imput, gin!!! Thanks a lot!! :hug:

Oh, and as for trying harder...well, I did 16 blocks today AFTER 1 1/4 hrs of PT and I have to do the same amount of walking before I get home. How's that for "feeling the burn"? :lol:

[sueroxmysox]

The Most Practical Gift...
http://i929.photobucket.com/albums/ad133/ashley1290/moneybags.jpg


**hums 'Happy Holidays'**

My uncle and I hung out at my cousin's house for hours talking and joking this past Saturday and touched on just about every subject under the sun. I told him how I've recently lost 84 lbs and am hoping to reach 100 by the end of this year and he was so proud and impressed that he made me a very wonderful, very easy challenge. He told me he'd give me $100--1 buck for every lb--when I lose 100 lbs (not even limiting it to the end of the year--he friggin' looked me in the eye and did a modified pinky swear, I tell ya!). Then he says he's gonna spread the word and see if he can get the challenge spread to other family members. My aunt heard about it and was unable to add to it because she's out of work recupperating from Gall bladdr surgery but said she'd get my hair done for me; my cousin's gonna do my hair, also and he's gonna see--my uncle--if he can get me some used fitness equipment!


Talk about a Merry Christmas!!!! So, yeah, I'm still smiling... :D


To me, it's still amazing how many folks want to get personally involved in my success or just want to boost me up. It's a wonderful feeling to go through a major life change with such awesome support and pride from others and as blah as I expected Christmas to be this year--outside of the clinic's Christmas party at a hotel this Friday and my uncle's bday party on Christmas Eve (lord save me from carbs!)--this has really brightened my outlook on this tremendously! I hope to make the 100 lb challenge I set for myself but if I don't, it's nice to know there's such an awesome consolation prize!

My theme for the rest of 2009 (said EXACTLY as it was said in 'The Waterboy;)
http://i405.photobucket.com/albums/pp132/Evil_Rich/Waterboy_2.jpg


Ho, ho, ho, yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah, baby!!!!

[sueroxmysox]

GAWWWWWWWWWD, that food was good!!!!!

http://i215.photobucket.com/albums/cc26/TheAskCy/Christmas%20Dinner%202009/021christmasdinner2009.jpg

Yeah, I know...lick your lips if you must...


Yeah, I counted my carbs and all that but let's just say, I wasn't exactly eating lots of salads in the last 2 weeks. The last time I got weighed--about a week and a half ago--I lost 1.5 lbs. Yeah, I'm grateful and I'm not gonna faint and gripe and whine about the "lack of progress" but UGH!! anyway. I have no idea what I lost last week but can practically guarantee you all that it didn't add up to much. I chalk it up to the fact that, for whatever reason, I HATE exercising alone, Baltimore had a nasty snow/ice situation recently that SERIOUSLY screwed up my walking schedule, the friggin' icy conditions were the reasons I missed one of my WELL NEEDED Physical Therapy sessions (which are basically about 2 hours of hard, hard, hard, HARD exercises, lots of sweat, and a few 'Best out of 5' games of Tennis on Wii--no, seriously, I sweat like a Hebrew slave after I do those sessions! :lol: ), and, honestly, I'm not totally immune to the lure of home cooking. BUT--yes, there is a but--as much as I could, I worked/walked/exercised/and denied my arse off! I really gave it my all and am generally sure I've loast at least 5 lbs (which, according to my Nutritionist is the norm. So, yeah...that's good. No, I didn't lose the entire 100 lbs bye 11:59 pm December 31, 2009, but I'm still motivated, not feeling sorry for myself, not feeling lazy, not making excuses and am being accountable and honest to myself first. So, there. Guilt be darned! **blows raspberry**


In other news, the MERINA's still a little on the goofy side but the crippling pains are a LOT less in frequency and intensity. I'm still irregular and will be for a while but no longer contemplate calling 911. I look back at when I was scared spitless about having the Big C and am SO grateful that that's not the case. It was just too much to be borne, I tell ya.


Meanwhile, folks keep giving me plates of food--because they know I don't like to cook--that are, well, not really what I eat anymore...okay, cut the crap time, I ate most of it (just spread it out, measured it and infused it with other veggies, fruits and lots of water to flush out all the added salt). The 2009 Holiday season was a heck of a food test but, though I realize that not all of my cravings/food traditions are gone for good, at least I have the will power to either eat better or exercise more to work off any overindulgences. Hope everyone had a great holiday and all those in the weight loss struggle, godspeed!! :hug: Later!!!


Oh, the $100 Challenge still stands--more motivation to get back on track and do the dang thang! I need a Restorator and leg weights, darnit!

Oh, lemme give you a link--folks think I need oxygen or some such when they read 'Restorator' :lol: : http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41MZNCNA0EL._SL500_AA280_.jpg

[sueroxmysox]

So, now, I FINALLY get the whole "muscle weighs more than fat" thing. I've been really pushing it when I walk or in my PT sessions to work off all the treats I've been eating lately and I get it becuase I see it--my clothes are literally falling off me and my flab isn't as substantial as it used to be. I lost 3.4 lbs over the last 2 weeks, which, due to all the treats I've been eating--seriously, and average of 3 times a week--is amazing. GAWD, since the pain of the "female problems" I've been having have decreased so much and getting the MERINA inserted, my appetite is back with a VENGENCE! It's not that I want to eat a lot or even that I want more than I did when I got my choices straight, it's the sweets cravings and the not wanting to cook and therefore eating the quickest, and usually least healthwise, foods around. The twice a week PT sessions are about 1 1/2 to 2 1/4 hrs long and I'm FEELING it, lemme tell ya. The tightest sweat shirt I have is lose, now. I've got to shop for new undies. So, MouF and gin, I get it, now. I'm losing weight really slow because I'm getting bulked up and the fat's going away but more in inches than scale wise. Just wanted to share my little epiphany. Peace. Oh, I'm now just about 93 lbs lighter and when I said before I was 90 lbs lighter, I was off by a couple lbs...so, my bad.

[sueroxmysox]

I've been so out of it, so stuffed up, congested, lightheaded and weird-feeling, and so loopy for the past week, I've felt like this...

http://i284.photobucket.com/albums/ll35/karina12931/inthehospital.jpg

This cold is a common one, except for the occasional moments of heavy sluggishness and odd random appetite increases (as opposed to my regular reaction to colds where my appetite is off because stuff doestn't taste as good and some of it seems too heavy). I've had a really hard headed week where there were cookies--more than 2, mind you--a brownie, a lot of granola bars (not nearly as "healthy" as I thought they were, darn Nature Valleys!!). All I can say is my body's weird. In the 7 days since my last weigh-in, I had 2 days of PT (both 2hr sessions) and 2 days of basic walking--for the entire week. I thought I gained a lb or 3 but I actually lost 4 lbs!!!!!!!!!!! :yay:

It's back flip time!!!

http://i332.photobucket.com/albums/m358/emmidavis18/Taylor%20Lautner/24y964x.gif

I'm doing better this week, though--those junkfood cravings seemed to come out of nowhere and I gave in--hard! But, the difference is my approach. I mean, yeah, I ate 4 cookies after my WW meeting BUT I counted the carbs and deleted it from the daily intake and filled some of the craving times with fruit and water and found that Kettle Corn Quakes are a pretty good alternative to cookies at 70 calories a serving (7 Quakes--honestly, I eat 2 servings and just count the carbs, now...).

Here they are: http://www.quakerricesnacks.com/products/#/quakes/kettlecorn

I find that cherries and navel oranges fill in the gaps pretty well, too. So, I expect to get to my goal in the next week or 2. I lost 4 lbs this week and that makes 96. something lbs! I'm so astonished and happy and giddy with pride!! :dancing: Just had to share! Oh, I'm working on getting over my aversion to cooking and have been baking Cornish hens--1/2 of one is a serving and with lots of veggies, it's pretty filling! Now, I have to work on sauteing...ugh! :irk: Wish me luck!

[hivemind1]

Oh my god four pounds :o awesome! wish i had the willpower to lose weight, so far all i've managed to do is give up chocolate for new years :lol: but trust me when i say i was very very addicted :p Man after eights are the greatest i went through about 3 boxes by myself at Xmas :|

[sueroxmysox]

I feel ya...I've got a love of the "evil brown monster" myself, hivemind1! :lol: My substitute's are sugar free or sugar free and reduced/fat free cocoa, pudding, icecream; when I want to go REALLY light, I suck on 5 Chocolate Caramel Creme Savers, which USUALLY hit the spot in a pinch. Well, best of luck to you in the chocolate ban--best of luck to us both!

[sueroxmysox]

Hold me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh293/pear622/cryinggirl.gif

Okay, big baby time and, really, I expect you all to have my back on this. :whip:

I gained a lb...in the last two weeks, I lost nothing and found yesterday that I gained a friggin' lb!! Now, okay, I did have the Cold From Hades and it was sapping my energy like MAD and even though my appetite was pretty nill, I did nibble on a lot of granola instead of bread and starchy sides--of course, all the sugar in it didn't help, either, but...--and I didn't do any walking in the last 2 weeks and only exercised in Physical Therapy twice a week till last Thursday when, after my reevalutation, I was discharged...

I'm Rambling....

Point is, I was weak as a kitten, sickly, tired, and then Ant Flo decided to show up, cramps GALORE--it's been a crappy 2 weeks and I'm just PO at the weight gain, even if I DO get the concept: burning more calories than you take in - weight loss. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I know. Don't care. Still PO. Still not happy. Yeah, I'm being realistic and all that but, yanno, I don't wanna be mature right now. I gave up some prime yummies to stay on track in the midst of lack of energy and thoguht to break even or possibly go over but to SEE it just bummed me out. I've been living off of yogurt, fruit, dry cereal, soup, brocolli, tea, and salad since and forced myself to walk 26 1/2 blocks (2 miles) today to make up for the impulse I gave into today to redeem a McDonald's coupon for a free 16 oz hot chocolate. **le sigh** Plus, on top of that, I have family issues to deal with and my neice just dropped a bomb on me this morning as I was preparing to go to the clinic that she wants to get her GED because she feels High School is too overwhelming! UGH! Too much on my plate today...I need massive huggles!!! S#&*!!!!!

[shaelyn]

:hugs: :hugs: Stop bring so hard on yourself, you've done wonderfully. It's really great how far you've come and you shold give yourself a HUGE amount of appreciation for it! :)




Hold me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh293/pear622/cryinggirl.gif

Okay, big baby time and, really, I expect you all to have my back on this. :whip:

I gained a lb...in the last two weeks, I lost nothing and found yesterday that I gained a friggin' lb!! Now, okay, I did have the Cold From Hades and it was sapping my energy like MAD and even though my appetite was pretty nill, I did nibble on a lot of granola instead of bread and starchy sides--of course, all the sugar in it didn't help, either, but...--and I didn't do any walking in the last 2 weeks and only exercised in Physical Therapy twice a week till last Thursday when, after my reevalutation, I was discharged...

I'm Rambling....

Point is, I was weak as a kitten, sickly, tired, and then Ant Flo decided to show up, cramps GALORE--it's been a crappy 2 weeks and I'm just PO at the weight gain, even if I DO get the concept: burning more calories than you take in - weight loss. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I know. Don't care. Still PO. Still not happy. Yeah, I'm being realistic and all that but, yanno, I don't wanna be mature right now. I gave up some prime yummies to stay on track in the midst of lack of energy and thoguht to break even or possibly go over but to SEE it just bummed me out. I've been living off of yogurt, fruit, dry cereal, soup, brocolli, tea, and salad since and forced myself to walk 26 1/2 blocks (2 miles) today to make up for the impulse I gave into today to redeem a McDonald's coupon for a free 16 oz hot chocolate. **le sigh** Plus, on top of that, I have family issues to deal with and my neice just dropped a bomb on me this morning as I was preparing to go to the clinic that she wants to get her GED because she feels High School is too overwhelming! UGH! Too much on my plate today...I need massive huggles!!! S#&*!!!!!

[sueroxmysox]

True...very true, shaelyn. I'm a stickler and a perfectionist and it's a hard habit to kick. When something's really important to me, I tend to overdo the process and come down pretty hard on myself when I fail or, more humanly, fall short or, as with my weird body for about a year now, am a victim to weird bodilly/metabolic crap. Thanks for the huggles--yeah, it was a big baby moment but, well, I was sick and at the age of 35, single and not really interested, there wasn't a lot of available comfort around readilly. Family's busy with their kids and, well, life and I think they'd laugh their arses off if I came whining and whimpering that I didn't feel good and wanted a hug. Seem cyberfriends get me more. Go fig.


Well, I lost 2 lbs this week which makes me off my 100-lb goal by 3 lbs! Somehow, it feels like I keep counting this wrong. My nutritionist, doctor, favorite nurse, therapist, and various other clinic staff put together and gave me a "we're so proud of you" good goodie bag of 2 new shirts and a new sweater jacket and a Terry McMillan Book ('The Interuption of Everything'), a 10-lb bag of Orgainic Navel Oranges, and a wonderful card that nearly had me crying. It feels so weird to be an inspiration to so many...I was speakless! ME! The rambling one! Yeah, weird, I know!

I went to a different Weight Watchers Meeting past Saturday at Merrit Athletic Club and there was some type of WW members-type deal where we were allowed to use their Fast Tack gym area for free after the meeting and I tried it--this is after I called in to get the info on the place and the receptionist told me about a free day pass I could use for that day--so, I did the Fast Track gym area (which is like Curves to the nth power, lemme tell ya) and met a trainer who, ironically, works in the same medical system that I belong to--a former Physical Therpist aide--and she tweaked my workout to my body type and limitations and the fact that I walk with 2 canes and I sweated my arse off for 40 minutes! Then I got a little "ooh, look at all the shiny new gym equipment" happy and tried about 2/3 of all the equipment and the next thing I realize, I 'd been exercising for about 3 1/2 HOURS! THEN, it started snowing--HEAVY--and I had to go out to a bus stop, when I just missed a bus, and shiver like a dummy with sweeaty, open pores on top of a never-ending cold (BRILLIANT, right? UGH!). Long story short, I worked off the lb I gained...only to HURT for 4 days after. Y'all, my EVERYTHING hurt till, well, this morning--though my back's been tender since yesterday and started up again this morning (Hallelujah, 800 mg Ibuprofen). NEwho, that's what I've been up to for the last little while, outside of nervousness of my cousin's ex hassling her or hurting her since their breakup and, that request from my neice was attatched with LOTS of drama and I finally gave in to her wishes and am now in the process of preparing her to leave HS and prepare for her pre GED. I tell ya, life's weird. See ya...

[sueroxmysox]

So, yeah, I was stuck in the snow at my cousin's house for 3 weeks...eating habits slipped--a LOT!--gained 4 lbs. Let the pitty party begin! Just kidding. Well, I'm back on track and bought LOTS of veggies and fruits when I could finally get to the market and I'm back on track-- MUCH easier when I'm in my own home again, with the food I'm used to, no longer at the mercy of my cousin's pantry and choices (...and, ahem, temptations...). I LOVE my Nutritionist! She's not judgemental or pushy or dictatorial; her whole motto is "35 years of bad eating habits won't go away overnight--just pick up where you left off!". So, I'm back to my walking regimine and am adding 30 mins a day of dancing to the mix. :dancing: Soon, I'm buying some 5 and 10-lb weights to tone up my arms. So, yeah, Baltimore was in a State of Emergency and there are STILL certain streets the state hasn't deemed to street shovel/salt trucks to--the one my cousin lives on is one of them. Thank goodness for determined nighbors that wanted to go to their respective Superbowl parties--which I missed because of being stuck in 2 1/2 feet of snow and ice and my cousin doesn't have a converter box for her TV. :cries: Today was my first good walk in about 3 weeks and I gotta tell you guys, my feet hurt. This is sad but not a lost cause; I'vve just gotta build my endurance up again. 14 1/2 blocks used to be a piece of cake... **le sigh**

And can someone tell me when exactly I lost my mind? I'm smoking again. It's a stress reliever and ironically DOESN'T make me wanna eat. But it's bad for me and the pack of cigarettes I bought yesterday I deem to make my LAST pack EVER! It's like my body's sending me messages--I get headaches sometimes after I've had 2 or 3 of 'em. So, it's a slight craving and a mellower but bad for me and remembering my dad died of throat cancer is a big "DUH!" moment/wake up call. :not: I was smoking today thinking "What the H@ll are you DOING, girl!?" So, yeah, that's about to get nipped in the bud ASAP. :sweat:

Well, I'm back to basics and will let you all know of my progress next week! **throws a snowball**

[sueroxmysox]

Say it with me, guys! "I lost 4 lbs this week!!!!!!"

Let's party hardy, Marty!!!

http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z120/emjaym_photos/animated%20gifs/balloons_confetti_hw.gif

So, yeah, I finally lost the much-loathed fall from grace weight and I'm a very hapy and surprised chick, cuz I was feeling those occasional MERINA side effect aches and left off 3 days of no walking or dancing to lay/sit down and/or sleep it off--GAWD, I can't wait till this friggin' thing finally settles down!--and, therefore missed a lot of walking I could've done. I ate a LOT of veggies and fruits this week and tea and water and sugar free cocoa and diet soda. By this time next week, I should be able to tap my uncle on the shoulder and say "Lost 100 lbs--gimme! Oh, love you! Now, gimme!" :lol:

I'd be a liar if I said it was a TOTAL angel, food wise. Lemme see...a Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie and a Tootsie Pop made their way into my mouth. Otherwise, I was pretty good!

The Food And Fitness Support group was cool today--we found out that, yes, one CAN microwave popcorn without oil...1/4 cup in a paper bag made a nice amount. I'm also getting my umph back with my walking; i was told that even a month and a half of smoking can impair the breathing needed to keep up the pace with long walks, especially those containing big hills. By some stroke of luck--oh, h@ll, lemme not say STROKE!--I made it to a total of 36 blocks today: 3 miles, in incrememnts. I'm just about done craving them and honestly, I had one today but it wasn't a "GOTTA HAVE IT!!" craving but a instant pseudo craving/boredom thing in which I finished it and stared at the butt thinking "You really didn't want that, didja? Can we say NO?" It may have been the stress I've been going through and the pain. I was in a lot of pain this past week and the cigarettes were just there and, well, that's no good excuse.


Any minors reading this: CIGARETTES ARE BAD FOR YOU!!! I'm not endorsing them or making excuses, only trying to show the downside of nicotine addiciton. It starts minor, you get used to it, you feel either cool, grown up or destressed but there are LOTS of time-consuming things out there to take the place of cigarettes and I hope if you are tempted, you'll take what I've typed into reconsideration and decide to ignore temptation. As I wrote before, my father died of throat cancer--cigarette related--and, lemme tell ya, it's an AWFUL way to go. :not:


PSA over...now, off to do some more web stuff and chat a bit. To everyone else in the struggle, godspeed and drink lots of water! ;)

[sueroxmysox]

I QUIT!!!








:lol: ...you guys thought I was talking about the weight loss, didn'tcha?

Nope. I'm talking nicotine! That's right, as of today, I declare myself smoke-free!

http://i772.photobucket.com/albums/yy9/decaldoctorz/Signs/signs-no_smoking.jpg


I realized it was more of a boredom/stress thing than actual addiction; so I've gone all day without a cigarette--craving it a little, to be honest...okay, a medium amount--and even passed 3 people I KNEW I could get a cig from and didn't hit them up. So, yes, I'm proud. And, luckilly, so far I'm not going through that transference thing where non-smokers want to eat to fill the void...actually, I skipped lunch--not hungry enough to bother. So, that's the thing and all and so on and so forth. Just wanted to share. This is Day 1 and hopefully I'll have a succession of cigarette-free days from now on.

[sueroxmysox]

**le sigh**/**strained Happy Smile for the masses**
http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m104/fireFoxe_2006/otherstuff2/pouting.jpg


I lost...a lb. Yeah, I was of two minds about that. Yeah, I've learned not to beat myself up as much when I don't get my estimated results and to be grateful for ANY results, including a zero lb loss as it indicates a sustaining of good eating habits and possibly new muscle mass (yeah, I remember, gin and MouF )...but, well...dangit! I wanted to get to that goal! The thing is, I'm bloated again...there's not way to get rid of retained water, my nutritionist told me, without a diuretic--and not to be given unless medically deemed necessary. She even checked me for Edema--to no avail. I almost wished I had it so I could pop those pills and stop feeling like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man already!!!! That, on top of a tummy ache for the last 2 days made me a little nervous till I was told days back to back with mostly salad, meatloaf, brown rice and yogurt can screw with tummy in the process of making me more, well, "regular".


Sometimes, I REALLY hate being a female!!!!!! And...
http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa224/nisar75/wish_i_was_a_man.jpg


Then again, maybe I shouldn't have eaten this after yesterday, either (even though I waited till I got weighed to get my nibble-on)...
http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l239/Joudwa/cheesefries.jpg
and
http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg307/mattconsola/BLt.jpg
and...
Well, the latter being a 3-piece Whitman's Sampler but 220 calories that I shouldn't have indulged in...ah, well...putting up a pic might tempt me to go buy some more at 75% off clearance prices at Walgreen's or Walmart. Dang, that chocolate was just HEAVENLY!!!!


**prolonged groan** I'd better stop all this pouting before my face gets stuck like this. I'm grateful...really. Just, not TOTALLY satisfied. Well, at least I'm still losing, right? I won't ask for any hugs this time as I'm learning not to be such a big baby about my crushed assumptions in this weight loss journey--mostly; then again, I AM a mushy person so feel free to hug away!!!!!!!

Lemme quit sulking before my face gets stuck like this...
http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm228/CBHobart/Pouting.jpg

[shuri]

Hi,

I just found this post and reading through it, I would like to say that you are an inspiration for anyone trying to lose weight. It isn't easy and anybody will make mistakes. Anyway, I just wanted to share some tips I have found out along the way.

Sugar substitutes like Splenda and Aspertame can cause high readings and severe problems. I personally started using Splenda to try and lose weight and it caused my blood sugar levels to rise quite high when they were fine before. I had also been losing weight at about 2lbs. per week and I quit losing while using the Splenda. About a week after I quit taking it, my sugar levels lowered again and I started losing weight. Someone else I know was drinking diet pop and it caused them to get Rosatia (I think that is how it is spelled). Someone else I know that drank diet pop started having very irregular periods and spotting throughout the month. In both these cases, they quit drinking it and everything went back to normal. I personally use Stevia in the Raw as a sweetener and it doesn't have any problems for me.

I use a product called Cheat and Eat before each of the meals I eat. It is all natural Gimnema, Vitamin C, Vitamin B-12, Garcinia Cambogia, and Chitosan. I had heard everyone talking about Alli and wanted to try it but, it was so expensive and I had heard of side-effects. I found this in an old Brigade catalog and everything in it was natural. I figured I would try it. It works great and I haven't had any side-effects at all. You just can't use it if you are allergic to shellfish.

I drink what is called 4-Herb tea every morning. Our whole family swears by this. You can get it online from The Herbal Healer. I know of one person that we recommended it to that had cancer and was given so many months to live that it actually cured. He went in and the doctors tested him and said that the medicine they were giving him was really working. He told them that he quit taking their medicine. Shocked them. It also cured my mom's psoriasis. It also helps keeping you from getting sick. It is definitely one thing that could help if you are still having problems.

I hope that any of these things can help you out. I know that we found out about the artificial sweeteners after I started having trouble and it was the only thing I had changed. Yay for the internet. That is where I have found out about most of the stuff I use. Another thing to check into is High Fructose Corn Syrup. You would be amazed at what it is in and how dangerous it is. I know commercials say differently.

Well, I wish you great luck. I know how hard it is to do what you are doing. I am 52 pounds towards my 150 pound goal. It can be done. Just don't give up. I will personaly be cheering for you.

Keep up the good work.

[sueroxmysox]

http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm79/WingNutZA/Funny/group-hug.jpg
(I'm trying to make myself laugh...yeah, it ain't workin'!)

So, I didn't post last week and that because it was a sucky week. I'm bloated and achy and retaining a LOT of water and gained 4 lbs...I think. You see, the scale my Nutritionist uses broke last week and we had to use another of the clinic's scales--note, NONE of the scales in the ENTIRE building have the exact same weight numbers, with a varied result of 1-5 lbs difference between them; so, yeah, I THINK I gained 4 lbs last week.


I'm needy today, I'll admit it...
http://i919.photobucket.com/albums/ad40/DarkDeus42/Random/Annamore.jpg

Then, on top of that LOVELY news, one of my cousins did me WRONG over they following weekend. Sunday before last was GREAT till 'the altercation'. Rather not get into why, but I was THIS close **barely seperating thumb from index finger** from disowning homegirl. The weight gain, the altercation, the lack of motivation to walk or be around anyone just fermented in me for, well...till today, actually. I'm still PO but a little calmer and trying to accept things better. I didn't get weighed this week because, honestly, I'm feeling rather defeated and cowardly and I just KNOW if I saw I gained as much as .0000000004895748758% of an ounce, I'd have thrown in the towel. I'm too conflicted to take another disappointment right now.


Need another hug...
http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj60/inuyashaobssessed/alove.jpg


I've got to get another check on my MERINA next Thursday--joy and rapture--note the sarcasm; I'm gonna ask the examiner to go through all the side effects again. Something's gotta give with this pain and discomfort or I'm gonna yank this friggin' thing out! Then again... No, that'll be too random and potentially hurtful--then again... I now see why it's always advised for folks to not make decisions in a rush, especially when mad or distracted by something that muddles up clear thinking/logic.

I'm just tired and...and wrung out and unmotivated. MADE myself take an extended walk today and that's a shame since I've come to LOVE walking. I even smoked a pack of cigarettes in a 2-day period over the previous weekend out of stress and frustration. What was I THINKING? **le sigh** I'm losing it. SOMEBODY hug me? :sobs:


http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh55/AlexBriggs18/lolcat-3.jpg



NOTE TO shuri: I read what you posted and hear all your points; good points to ponder, so thank you. But, honestly, at this point in my life, I'm not open to a lot of change. I did, however try 2 different sweeteners made from the Stevia plants that I was given recently--Purevia and the other one, I forgot the name; t's got a bland, kinda blah aftertaste, depending on what I add it to. Besides, **sheepish grin** I'm out of Splenda and Equal. Best of luck to you in you weight loss journey and thanks for thinking of me! Have a great day!!

[shuri]

I hope everything starts looking up for you again. I hate hearing how hard a time you are having. Don't give up. Things will get better. It just sometimes takes a little time.

I'm a good one to talk. Any given day, I am ready to say heck with it also. I just keep reminding myself that the next will be better. Sometimes I am right and sometimes I am wrong. That's the way it goes.

As for the Merina side affects. Check on the internet. You would be amazed at how many times doctors do not know what the stuff they prescribe and use can do to a person. I know that my dad had some side affects to a medicine he was given and checked it up on the internet to see if it was possible. It was. He then reported to his doctor and the doctor didn't know anything about it. They are only human and can't know everything that can go wrong. I wish some of them knew more though.

As for the Stevia. It can be bitter if you use much. I know that I can use it in certain things and it tastes good but if I try to put it in a drink, I hate it. I just use sugar in that case. That's why I don't drink much that requires sweetening. I sure am glad that my favorite thing to drink is water. I wouldn't know what to do without it.

Well, keep you chin up. Here is a hug to you.

[sueroxmysox]

I feel a little less overwhelmed today--been reading a lot and drinking LOTS of water and REALLY watching what I eat. Today I bought a small order of veggie lo mein and beef and brocolli and figured to cut a few carbs out of my day and walk some more to work that out. I've been tempted to use sugar in my drinks a LOT but since I allow myself 1 or 2 indulgences of junkfood a week--to stave off that urge to nibble when, honestly, I'm not really hungry--I try not to go there. So, shuri, I'm not alone on the occasional "Oh, the H@LL with it!!!" thinking, huh. Sorry to say, I'm kinda glad. Not that I want you to feel that way but, really, it's nice to know I'm not alone. That being said, I hope you keep up the good fight, too!

I'm still in the "HOLD ME" mode...getting less antisocial about it and back into my love of walking. Sadly, though, I pulled my knee trying to get up a flight of steps all at once with, oh, about 9 bags! STILL feeling it and had to walk a little gingerly today. Didn't walk at ALL yesterday. My friggin' cell phone's buggin' and that's not helping my mood; good news is that SPRINT's giving me a better model on Monday to replace it that has a camera phone. I may--MAY--post my pic online with it if I get brave enough. I'm rambling... Feels good to vent, though. I don't expect to lose much this week...a few ounces to a pound at the most. Well, any progress is welcome. **le sigh** Take care of you!

[sueroxmysox]

So, yeah...I'm a Kool-Aid smiler, today!
http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj314/SB1983_305/My%20MySpace%20Comments/RenandStimpyHappyHappyJoyJoyTGIF.gif


After all the fretting, sighing, sniffling and moaning, I got the shock of my life--not only did I lose weight instead of the assumed gain,due to the water retention, but I lost the weight need to get to my 2nd short term goal! Yessss, another 50 lbs!! I'm now 100.6 lbs lighter!


Can I get a High 5, some dap, a little skin over here?
http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c383/TRICIA381/littles/smileys/Secret_Handshake.gif


I rock! I do! I'm so HAPPY!!!!!!! :HMR1: You guys should've seen me on that scale...I froze--literally. I got back on and just gawked at the # listed. I was like :not: and then, when I was ready to take it all in, I was like "Okay, wow...". It definitely lifted some of the funk I've been in; no, I'm not miraculously happy and content but I do feel more open to being around people and holding conversations versus just listening dispondently and nodding at appropriate places in the conversation. I also got my new phone and it's working well for me. The craving for cigarettes are heavy but I'm determined to leave them alone. I did fold and give in to the craving a time or two but I'm reading a lot more and trying to walk more to fill in time lapses. Now, I have to meet up with my cousin and resolve our issues. Ugh! :Dante: NOT looking forward to that conversation but it must be done. Ah, well... Off to type some more and nibble on dried fruit and granola. Peace!

[shuri]

Yeah! Great Job! I am glad to hear about the weight you lost. I personally gained a couple of pounds back. I was bad while my sister was visiting. It is so easy to get pulled along by someone else. I have also been sick for the last couple of days. Bad cold. Thanks sis. I am getting back on track though. I don't want to give up and go back to what I was before starting. I refuse to do that.

By the way, it is probably a good time to try to stop smoking. My dad smokes and he said that he noticed something different about his cigarettes. The label on them also changed. They used to say all natural ingredients on them and they don't anymore. When my sister came down she said that she heard a new law went into affect requiring manufacturers to add ingredients to the cigarettes so that they are fire safe. We got to looking on the internet and they did. The have been steadily passing the law in individual states since 2004. Your packs will have an FSC on them. People are reporting a lot of side affects. Smoking is one thing that I never started. I am glad of that now.

Well, keep up the good work. I'll check back again.

shuri

[sueroxmysox]

I have no definite weight to tell you guys, this week at least. The friggin' scale at my clinic is n the fritz again and said I gained 11 FRIGGIN' LBS since last weigh-in!

Yeah, I had a real moment of OMG about it!!!
http://i1011.photobucket.com/albums/af236/lovebird1566/staredownju7.gif

I'll be honest, I had a hard-headed week that included 2 peices of Popeye's chicken and a biscuit, two HUGE chocolate chip muffins, chinese food (beef and brocolli of veggie lo menin--small order, but, still, not the best choice on a regular basis), and 6 butter crunch cookies! As usual, I cut carbs and increased my walking and ate less meat and more veggies and drank copious amounts of H20 but, really, it still was a lot of slipping up--no, I'm not gonna even cop out on THAT excuse...I MADE those decisions, knowing the consequences and still did it, putting all the blame on me--no, I accept that--and whatever the residual effects, I'm sure that since I only walked 4 day that week because of rain, I probably gained a lb or 3--but, hell, no WAY did I gain 11 lbs. Even my Nutritionist looked at the scale in bewilderment, tinkered with it, and had be get back on it. Even in my most destructive days of food consumption, before I started losing weight, I NEVER, not even when at parties or being treated more than once to resturants or having a ice cream fest, did I gain over 3 lbs in the weigh-in at my doctor's appointment. This SUCKS!!!!! :irk: Still, I'm being good and even found a love of raw carrots I never knew was possible--those orange things taste GOOD! I never really liked them all that hot before, but I find myself nibblg all day--just ran out and I'm going to get a couple bags when I leave this library. Well, wish me luck, guys! I'm getting back on the wagon! Well, okay, I'm gonna have some Easter dinner from a guys who cooks his arse off and used butter like it's going out of style, but moderation is key, right. I can live off of DanActive, carrots, Cheerios, water and cucumbers for 2 days afterward. I'm determined to lose SOMTHING this week or at least break even. I even made my way outside today with the huge chance of getting rained on--so far, so good, since the overcast is ominous but not pouring with rain, yet. Okay, well, to all in the struggle, godspeed, make me proud--and YOURSELF!! ;)

shuri, you are a fount of information! I noticed something weird about my cigs, too...they, well, sizzle a little--weird. Still fighting the good fight on dropping thethings; I thought I was through for good but it seems stress and cigarettes are a thing for me. And, there have been MANY stressors for me this year. Thanks for the praise--means a lot! And don't you give up either--just start from where you are and know I'm keeping hope alive for ya!

[sueroxmysox]

http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd86/celloforsello/yokatta.jpg

Well, the week after my 3rd major food challenge holiday (in order, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter Sunday), I came out victorious if not spendidly. I lost .2 lbs--hey, better than nothing or, heck, GAINING, right? Well, I'm proud. :yay: Yes, other than the fact that I pulled my knee on my daily walk and got gypped $13.60 on a cab ride on Easter Sunday :Dante: :whip: , it was a lovely day. I ate mostly carbs--I was hard-headed and LOVED it! One thing my Nutritionist told me was that holidays can be indulged in in moderation or just to be a time where I'm honest with myself and ALLOW myself to eat what I usually don't and not obsessing about starving myself to work it off but to chalk it up as a slight increase in what's gonna show up on the scale for that week and be over unting the next holiday meal or party I decide to treat myself in. Took her telling me that over a portion of MONTHS before I decided to take that mentality on--maybe I went a little far, though: I had 4 of the butteriest dinner rolls in creation, 2 slices of cherry iced cake and a slice of French Apple Pie (and pinches here and there of my meal because the heat and frustration I had when I got to the dinner gave me a heat heacache/migraine feeling that kept me from really getting into my meal--most of it went home with me and it in my fridge to be tackled later). Honestly, it's because starchy stuff, fruits and veggies are my favorite things to eat when my appetite isn't at it's top level but I AM still hungry; and that migraine, guys, was HORRIBLE--it was hard to keep my eyes open or sit up straight. It's too friggin' hot in B'more to tackle hot food. I'm on a carrot, orange, chicken, pasta salad and steamed shrimp kick right now--works for me. I just beat my personal best, today, walking--23 blocks STRAIGHT! :MouF: That's nearly 2 miles without pause! No wonder I'm sweating so hard! Ah, well... I did, if not good, then okay. I think it'll be better next week. We shall see...

P.S. This is day 2 with no nicotine...I'm craving but its not overwhelming right now so I hope I make it this time. **crosses fingers, toes, eyes, mouth...anything applicable** LOL!

[sueroxmysox]

http://i289.photobucket.com/albums/ll230/sherrysplaceofhealing/child%20abuse/crying.jpg

Well, I'm gaining weight and loving it. Sure am! Well, not really…

I saw this pic the other day, as I was eating a muffin, and oddly had a sudden thought. “Uhm…uh oh!. I’m slipping BAD.”
http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p58/ashenfel/fat_boys.jpg

I was warned this would happen; that I'd not so much give up trying to eat well, but have moments of UGH!, kinda like a fear of success moment. Never thought it applicable to me, as I was in it to win it, but this week, I've been TOTALLY self-destructive with food. Not the amounts but the content period. Grease, fat, sugar, salt and other miscellaneous crap have been introduced to my system and I'm bloated and feel sluggish. So, now that I see the damage, I'm back to eating the right things. Don't like the results otherwise. I'm gonna be posting a weight gain on Wednesday, just to warn everyone... I was so nervous, suddenly, of being an "inspiration"--feeling like "Who am I to be an inspiration?" and "I'm not all that and I don't really have the wherewithal to really make a difference in anyone's life." and "Who am I to be so vain?"--and having to live up to some example and NOT fail and the pressure I was putting on myself wasn't really founded in any form of rationality but I kinda panicked and went in the other direction. I mean, i tried to avert the disaster by trying to fill up on baby carrots and grapes but was soon eating WHOLE muffins and fried chicken and Western Fries and was TEMPTED to go into the regular chocolate ice cream but was able to say no. Mostly, I just went over a daily carb count here or overdid the sugar free candy there, or just plain had salt (garlic sat on my food, salted nuts, etc...)...I've had a talk with my cousin that put things in perspective and helped me see this self-destructive eating that I didn't really analyze till we talked; this is the cousin I was having issues with--we finally talked and straightened things out. I'm my own worst critic and, sadly, am more used to negativity that positivity and sometimes I get kinda bashful when folks congratulate me and I wanna walk away but don't, feeling that'd rather be rude. Am I making sense? It's like I'm friggin’ going against the grain as a…a…relief, maybe? I was warned that losing weight would be more mental than physical and I’m starting to see this. Odd that these issues pop up when I’m being successful at it. Is this weird? I need to speak to my therapist about this. Too bad she’s gone this week. I decided to make a whole chicken and a small pot of brown rice and steamed veggies and work off that for the next week with my fruit and yogurt…and chew on plenty of sugar free gum and stay out the house as much as possible with no more money than emergency cab fare.

I’ve never been good with change but was usually able to stay with whatever I started IN said change when I get into the flow of things; this reversion to bad eating habits and the nonchalance of it all worries me. I don’t think I’m TOTALLY out of control yet and my body’s giving me cues that this is NOT to be (my ankles are tender and my back feels weighted down a little and I’m getting slightly winded walking hills even though I haven’t smoked a cigarette in about a week, now) and I don’t want to go back to where I was because it was a pitiful place for me. I’m not giving up, though…I’m just kinda wonky with the process right now is all.

[sueroxmysox]

So, yeah...I gained 3 lbs. No sniffling/crying-child pics this time. I'm being a big girl about it. I had my last moment of weakness yesterday--8 chocolate chip cookies and a slice of sweet potato pie. It was yesterday that I got kinda disgusted with myself and pretty much laid off the carbs and ate the chicken and some spinach and yogurt.

detest cooking, though. My first attempt at baking a whole chicken--a small one at that--and it's a sad looking piece of meat. :not: ] NEwho...

When all is said and done, what can ya do? It is what it is, right??
http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee219/kimmy0925/mz_08_10031243196-5.gif

I'm back on my grind, and added another 4 blocks to my daily walk and expect to break even next week. I'm gonna fight this feeling of being overwhelmed and just DO it. I'll try, anyway. So far so good and I haven't had a cigarette since Easter Sunday and the opportunity for a loose cigarette was available today--and, honestly, I was REALLY tempted, guys--but, I said no and had a good smile about that. At least I have control over something. Well, hopefully, I'll have better news next week. Thanks to all for your continued support! :hug:

In other news, I've got to get my MERINA checked next Thursday and am NOT looking forward to it. There's just something uber creepy about the entire process--that and the PAP exam and colonoscpies--that turns me off. Still, to be sure I'm out of the woods with all those mirad side effects and those 3-month long menstruations, I must do what I must. Ironically, the less the pain, the more nervous I get, sort of like a 'calm before the storm' promonition I get thinking of possible bad things popping up that I never knew were developing. I need to stop being such a nervous Nelly/borderline hypocondriac and do the darn thing. The first 2 appointments for this round of exams was put off by the doctor and the last by me for, ahem, female reasons...now, I've gotta suck it up and do it. I should be fine. I'm hoping so...I guess the fact that I even HAD to get a biopsy to start still messes with me. But, let me not jinx myself; still... **shivers with fear--unfounded for sure, but still there**

[sueroxmysox]

The Mad Bird Debate...dun, dun, duuuuuhhhhhhhhhn!!!! **sniggers at self**

Didn't I call itor did I call it? In trying to bake a whole chicken, I made the first poor bird raw inside
http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e397/VGphotos/Digs/rawchicken.jpg
and yesterday's attempt was LITERALLY burnt, over cooked--or cooked too high too fast--and dry as the Sahara!
http://i1020.photobucket.com/albums/af327/jesslynlly/P1010395a.jpg
Way to lessen my appetite, huh? :lol: Too friggin' expensive a way of cutting the calories, though.

Okay, that was just random grumbling...the real question I wanna ask is is it okay to disregard those "check ups" on my MERINA, now that the side affects are gone? I hate to admit it, but THOSE kind of exams make me skittish, be it with a male or female examiner. AND, I feel fine now, I mean, how much "preventative measures" must I got through in a year? It's about every 4 months on average and my tollerance for those kinds of exams is usually limited to every 5 yrs or so. I'm being a wimp, aren't I? :sweat: It's just...I have some really bad memories connected to this thing and it makes me pannicky and I'd really just rather not continue to be prodded and poked quarterly. **le sigh** I...just don't wanna go anymore.

[sueroxmysox]

I lost 3.6 lbs! Oh, yeah, let's boogie!
http://i666.photobucket.com/albums/vv21/victoria101secert/14lu0jk.gif

and this...
http://i727.photobucket.com/albums/ww279/carlav83/GIFS/happydance.gif

and, oh, what the hell, like this, too!
http://i652.photobucket.com/albums/uu247/thetigr3ss/dance.gif

Oh, joy!!!!! It's a friggin' MIRACLE considering all the junkfood indulgences I had last week but it still happened! I'm so ecstatic! I guess my general daily walks are more effective than I thought because the lbs came off. And, yeah, I did have a half-minute sulk about how much more I would've lost if I hadn't given in so easilly to the candy cravings till I realized the time is past, the results are what they are AND they're MUCH better than expected! I didn't JUST break even--I lost 3.6 lbs! Wh00t! I'm gonna celebrate today...something just for me! I think...I think it's time to buy a new pair of sneakers--cuz food treats aren't generally suggested (though, I really don't like the selection of microwavable faire in my fridge)--and test them out with a mile power walk! I'm a very giddy, very HAPPY camper, today!!!!!!

In other news, I'm still debating getting my quarterly check up on the MERINA tomorrow...I'm a wimp, I'll just be honest about it. I'm not a fan or pain, discomfort or embarassment and am not looking forward to it tomorrow. I can't help but wonder if it would really make a difference or not. I feel much better. Ah, hell, ignore this part; rambling again... :irk:

H'Okay, other than the possible appointment tomorrow, I'm still amped--one more boogie for the road!
http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r136/Gaara_Darkmemories/Naruto/happydance.gif

[gin-hayashi85]

It makes a difference. I think you should do all you can to stay healthy and make sure that thing is working right. So go.

[sueroxmysox]

Like I said, I'm a wimp...I resceduled the appointment again, gin. **le sigh** I HATE those kinds of examinations!!!! ERGH!!!!!! But, seriously, I'm going to the next one, promise. My cousin spun it so convincingly this morning, about 25 minutes after I rescheduled it that it kinda scared me straight, if you will. I guess I'm kind of an 'out of sight, of of mind' type of woman. But, still, it's not always a flawless philosophy. I just can't shake this weird feeling that the next exam's gonna point out something I REALLY don't wanna know. Yeah, I'm paranoid... :cries:

[sueroxmysox]

So, yeah...I gauned a lb. Guessed as much so, yeah, that's that. Not gonna b!tch and moan about it or post many long-winded rants and place numerous whimpering anime pics on this one--just gotta do the right thing (which, so far, for the most part, I am). And, yes, I AM going to go to my next appointment for the MERINA. I'll gulp and whine and pout but I'm going. **le sigh** Well, wish me luck, guys! Finally got rid of ALL the junkfood in the house and am back to healthy eating.

Like PuPaul says, "You betta WORK!"

[sueroxmysox]

H'Okay, ask me how this happended and I couldn't give you an answer...not even my Nutritionist had a definite answer; this week **breathes in a plastic bag 'cause all the paper ones burst on me** I GAINED 4 lbs! Yeah, I'm like "WTFH!!!!", too. I'm not bloated or retaining water, Outside of a few small treats, I did the d@mn thing! Everything I was supposed to and STILL this BS! So, yeah, I know I typed about body adjustments and metabolic crap and all that but that still doesn't make me wanna instantly suck it up and say, perky as all h@ll "Well, it's only been 2 weeks of weight gain--you'll overcome it!"--not feeling all that understanding and mature right now. I'm just gonna have myself a 3-day pout (tomorrow's Day 3) and hopefully have better results next week. I may not post my results for a while, though... To all in the struggle, hope you're fairing better than I am, 'cause I'm borederline "I give UP" mode right now. **le sigh**

I need a hug...but I won't ask for any.
http://i639.photobucket.com/albums/uu115/tistelblomst/calvin%20and%20hobbs/00038-2.jpg

Later... **grumbles under breath and nibbles another baby carrot**

[sueroxmysox]

Um...so, yeah... So, I had a doctor appointment today and had to get weighed. According to that scale, in 2 days' time, I've lose 3.2 lbs.

Huh.

http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j320/chevron725/icons/brain.jpg

Before I had a chance to even think of shouting "Huzzah!!!", the thoughts popped in my head "Is this real? Am I sick? Is this friggin' scale on the fritz--again? Is my body/metabolism going wonky on me again?" Ugh! I'm too paranoid to even enjoy a possible success. :why:

Well, let's hope luck is a lady, today....

Just to share--this tickled me:
http://i588.photobucket.com/albums/ss328/forestfire2/Avatars-MarcoPolo.gif

[sueroxmysox]

**le sigh**

Gained another lb. Yeah...

At first, I'd say it was a bit of a metabolism thing but, the day before I was to get weighed, in a fit of "Oh, WTH, it's gonna be awful anyway!!!" pique, I went off the wagon and ate whatever I wanted in petulant, self-destructive glee. I know, I know...I've got issues. So, the Red Baron personal pizza was alright, as was the ENTIRE bag of Quaker Quakes and the half of a big bag of David sunflower seeds..and, um, the, ah, tray of Stouffer's mac and cheese didn't relly help, either. Yeah, most people tell me that on top of a healthy day's full of eating, that shouldn't mean much...I pleasantly reminded them of the hidden joys of salt, sugar and preservatives. In a lot of ways, I just didn't care, figuring it was a lost cause to even try anymore--then I get weighed the next day and realize that those slips--on purpose or not--of the previous day DID show up. You CAN gain more than a lb in a day, depending on what you eat as I found out. All in all, if I hadn't gone all goofy the day before, I should've seen a weight loss of a few ounces to a lb and, well, I didn't. No, I'm not pouting and shouting "I give up!" but, I am realizing that I have some real issues with patience, expectations and endurance. This is becoming more than just "getting off the lbs" and more of a life discovery that I never though I'd be able to glimpse of myself. The warnings were true, I really AM going to go throught the wringer with this. It's...hard, y'all. Harder than I thought it'd be. This self-destructive streak that keeps popping up is troubling on more than one level. All I can say is I'll do my best and, I dunno...go to a deserted island or something? :lol:

Well, it's a major transition and this too shall pass. Right? That is all. Needed to vent. Peace.


4 some odd hours later...

So, I go tot he podiatrist to see why my ankles are SUDDENLY giving me problems and I get a condescending dude that spends most of the visit filling out paperwork by asking ME questions to answers he already has--on the clipboard under the papers he's writing on--while talking OVER me with every reply or question I utter; he mentions an x-ray in the beginning then at the end says it's not necessary because it's a weight thing and I need new sneakers. All he did was hold my feet, make me stand up, and spurt out podiatriy cliches while NOT answering my questions. So, yeah, I get it that a big woman over the age of 30 would feel discomfort from all that extra weight on their ankles and that, yes, eventually sneaker must be replaced (thought, in my experience, they stick around till they're falling apart, not to keep up support of a tender ankle of a flat foot, which is news to me) but he kept cutting me off when I tried to explain that this is a RECENT experience--as in the last month and a half--versus the steady walking I've been doing since the end of July LAST year. I hate wasting my time and I hate being ignored. Thank God my insurance covered that becasue if it didn't, homeboy wouldn't have gotten paid. The only good thing to come out of that appointment was the 32 blocks I walked there and back to the library--nearly 3 miles, so yay!!--and it wasn't a terribly long visit (outside of the fact that the receptionist came in 15 minutes late and made me wait 10 more minutes while she made personal calls, time I could've spent filling out the preliminary "first visit" forms, mind you) and then I had to wait another 10 mnutes for the doctor. For that crappy lips service. SH!T!!! I need a V8!!!!

[sueroxmysox]

The dreaded "C" word...
http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj150/Magm5/Jay.jpg

I hate-have I mentioned that?--HATE that exam, but FINALLY sucked it up and did it today. Wish I didn't. Truly. Oh, the questions were answered with favorable replies and all but the mentioning of a questionable "finding" that looks "possibly" suspicious and has to be followed up on in a month to check for possible cancerous beginnings--hopefully benign--just knocked all the air out of me!! I may be overreacting and assuming the worse but I can't help it! I thought I'd NEVER hear that word again in connection with those exams and now she brought it up again! I'm being paranoid, deep down, I know that...yet, I'm scared and can't shake it, this feeling of impending doom. There are some crappy diseases in my family and, outside of Arthritis, I've dodged every bullet, practically thumbing my nose at Fate. Is this bad Karma or something?


Okay, breathe...
http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b58/blksurfr/hyperventilate.gif


Have I mentioned I HATE that exam? It's so... **shudders** ...invasive!!! I was trying to get my mind off of the proceedings and went to anime in my head--InuYasha's the first thing that popped in my head--then, as I was revisiting a scene where Kikyou's being pierced by Naraku's tentacles, it begins. Not a good visual when someone's got their hand in your--moving right along...

(I need coffee).


NEway, there. I was a brave little--little, HAH!--soldier and got my day turned over onto its ear. Just ducky...

The only good thing about this day is finding out that that was my last official "check up" on the MERINA! Well, for now...in 5 years, I've gotta get anew one. Then, there's always that "yearly exam"--ladies, you feel me, dontcha? **shudders**

I just feel nervous and tense and...icky. Hugs?

[shuri]

Hey,

It's been a while since I had a chance to get on. I can honestly say that I feel for you. I personally don't go to the doctor unless I absolutely have to. I have been to too many bad ones before. So, that exam is not for me every year. Even if I did go and get checked out, if they found something, I would probably treat it the way I felt was right and not listen to them. That and get a second opinion. Man, I am not very optimistic when it comes to doctors lately. It must be the dentist visit I just went through.

I had to get a tooth pulled. I went into one of those walk-in clinics. I expected to wait. That wasn't the problem. It started with being the last person seen when I wasn't the last to come in. I was actually pretty early in the cue. I then got a dentist that tried to numb my mouth but couldn't figure out that you have to numb the whole way around the tooth and not on just one side for it to work. The third time he came in to check, he said if it isn't numb we aren't pulling the tooth. I shut up and said I couldn't feel a thing. I couldn't afford to pay and then leave without being done. Well, long story short, I could feel it when the pulled the tooth. Not too bad but I could definitely feel it. I don't think I will go back there anymore.

You can see why I am ranting about doctors lately. I guess I am just lumping them all into one big category.

Other than that, I had told you before about them changing cigarettes to make them go out quick and what the stuff is they are using to do it. Well, if you go in and buy one of the cigarette rolling machine and the cigarette tubes and tobacco that go with it, they don't have the fire safe chemicals in them. At least the ones we are getting don't. Dad switched over to that and says they taste a lot better. The machine is a little expensive but, the tobacco is a lot cheaper than buying a carton. You end up saving a lot in the long run.

Well, keep up the work on the weight loss. I am cheering for you. Don't worry if you gain a pound every now and then. What counts is that you lose it again. Everybody is going to mess up and get off track.

I'll try to get on again before long. I have just been too busy to do much with school, being admin of a scan group, inheriting another scan group, and housework. I'll check back in again though.

Shuri

[sueroxmysox]

Well, crimminy, shuri...our appointments sucked eggs, huh? Sorry for BOTH of us! Take THAT, bad news! :Dante:

So, yeah, I don't smoke anymore or crave them anymore--thank you, LAWD!--used to have one of those cig-making machines, though...when I had it, it was fun making my own or for my uncle, who bought it for me. N/A, now, though...

The dreaded water retention they kept hinting at me having again kicked back in, in a physical sense, yesterday. I may have ben retaining water for the last few week but I SEE and FEEL the swelling, NOW! Ugh! My body HATES me! Now, to be honest, I've been experimenting with what my body can take in and burn off and maybe these experiments need to stop--like 3 MONTHS ago--when I'm purposely eating a cookie, here, a slice of pie there and eating less carbs/walking more in place of it. Most of time, it worked. Since this friggin' plateau, though, I figured not to test my limits anymore. Yep, that's the verdict. I'm platuea-ing and retaining water. That's my doctor's/Nutritionist's/both check-in Nurses (and becoming true Comrades-In-Arms/weight lost supporters) opinions. I don't use salt and try to avoid it in pre-packaged foods and the most salt I DO get into is the occasional bag of Sun Chips, sunflower seeds or baked potato chips.

Good news is that people keep seeing they see a change in my WHILE I'm steadilly gaining--GAINING!!--weight. Gives a little more credit to the whole "muscle weighs more than fat" rule. H@ll, all the extra walking and abstaining I've done, lately, I HOPE I'm gaining SOME muscle, shuri...be a d@mn shame if I didn't!

I'm still nervous about the next "pre-cancerous" exam and HOPE it's just the doctor being overly cautious. I REALLY don't want it. Not even if it's one of those caught-early deals where radiation nips it in the bud--sh!t, that crap comes BACK, yanno!

**trying not to cry** Unsuccesful, it seems...
http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u156/BabieGurl8/SHYGURL/animatedladycrying.gif

Huh.

Guess I'm back to shivering with fear, huh?

Well...just h@ll!!
http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii54/DarkFoxGirl13/Animated/Clannad-Fuukocries.gif

Well, lemme get off this thing. Thanks for the concern, shuri...hope your tooth is okay. Sucks how cheap they were with you...and the whole making you wait till the end? That...yeah, someone needed smacked! Take care of you! :hug:

[sueroxmysox]

Um, hi. **waves sheepishly**

I must be either an ingrate of utterly pessimitic. I lost 7.4 lbs this week and can't even get my HUZZAH!-on about it. Chalk it up to too much disappointment and that feeling of impending doom. It's a good thing and, yes, i'm grateful but... **le sigh** ..I dunno. What's the matter with me?

[sueroxmysox]

Gained .4 lbs this week...not bad considering the amount of junkfood I indulged in, even with the added walking to counteract it. Still, this is a friggin' miracle, considering I expected to gain--seriously--2-5 lbs...but, h@ll, those cookies and that cake...WONDERFUL! Gawd, thinking back, I just wanna lick my fingers again. Yeah, I could bawl and whine and go all petulatn but, hey, those are the choices I made. I ate what I ate, it's gone now...what can I do? Can't take it back. So, .4 lbs of weight gain is the result. Honestly? It was worth it! **mishevious smirk** But, back on the wagon I go.

Seriously, this is a lifetime of crappy eating habits I have to short circuit and rewire--this ain't no "cold turkey" fix (gracious, I just typed a double negative--eat ya heart out, Chaka), I'm gonna have my weeks and even months of "angelic standards of food purity" along with occasional "I don't give a crap/just one--two--oh, h@ll, 13 wouldn't hurt/I give up!" moments, too. But, I'm in this to win this so I'm back on that horse, eating my baby carrots, straberries, sunflower seeds and dry cereal and drinking water (besides, with this cold, my appetite's iffy and nibbling seems the most I can muster any effort for). So, I expect a little weight loss next week; not much, but some. Well, we shall see....


And, yeah, I'm still battling that inner "don't ask, don't tell" demon that trying to keep me from going back to check those findings in a couple weeks ago. Nervousness to a hyper person like me is its own form of torturous anxiety. I get lightheaded from supposition, seriously, and have to take a breather, sometimes. I just keep thinking "What if I have cancer? AM I gonna die? Did I go though all this, get my body so much healthier and freer and lighter just to be stuck in a cancer ward with tubes in me and radiation every day?"....then, when I stop pannicking and try to be rational, I try to laugh at myself for being a negative ninnyhammer--doesn't work much and, honestly, I feel myself getting kinda antisocial. This happens when I'm overwhelmed. I can be a bright beacon of light online cuz, well, you guys most likely'll never meet/talk to me....not so good with in-person contact right now and this cold is almost convenient as it's an excuse to stay away from family and friends. I TRULY hope this is just me being paranoid, but there's a possiblility...

I just wanna cry.

Sh!t! :sobs:

[sueroxmysox]

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b13/Mandy_Rue/CONFUSION.gif
http://i387.photobucket.com/albums/oo311/lisa465111/MIscellanous/Confusion.gif

Okay, I'm...I dunno...tired? No, that's not it. I'm just--the process: the waiting, the up and down weights, the efforts in vain--even if for a limited time--get to me. It's weird, this compulsion to wanna have control over my body, even negatively. I seem to go backwards--when I can't control the weight loss, it seems I go in the complete other direction and the next I know, I'm nibbling Pocky or an ice cream cone or having a cheese steak sub. Though I always come back to the healthy eating I've become used to, I generally don't really pay attention to the not-so-healthy eating until after the fact. And I seem to be doing this a lot. I reread all my posts here and realized there's this really bad pattern of almost "F%& this!" when I dont' see the results I want and I tend to overindulge in those weeks. Those weeks dont' alwasy have negative results, though...I compensate by less eating and more walking and sometimes even show a loss for the week but... **le sigh** It's interesting, the talk I had with my cousin recently. She says when things really confound or stress me, I do stuff like that or get rather distant and/or antisocial. She said it's a control thing that's not uncommon but not really healthy, either. She said with the captastic childhood/adolescence/adulthood I've had, it became a kind of stumbling block/comfort zone for me. She said she was glad my doctor suggested therapy for me before I started losing weight because a lot of things would come out of me that I couldn't see. She also said that even though she can tell I'm truly happy with the way things are shaping up, I'm still kinda sared/unsettled about the change and that I subconsciously try to put a halt to the proceedings when uncertainty creeps in. That made me feel like a basket case becasue, even though I thought on it and found myself agreeing on hit, I don't WANT to be this way. I want to be healthy and happy and beat the odds of all the heriditary medical crap in my family. I do. I just get so...I dunno. I don't know what to call it but change is kinda frightening for me, hence my 35 year delay in starting the process. I mean, no, I'm not giving up, per se but sometimes, I almost wanna call a time out. That's not a good idea, I know, but...well, I dunno.
http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r258/Skunk_132/Confusion.jpg

I'm just venting. I had a lot of candy this week and I know I was wrong, but...

I dunno...
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y48/jennymo70/icons/117d6849.gif

[sueroxmysox]

Well, I done did it now...

I wanted to know and now I do.

Gained... (wait for it...) ...17 lbs this week.

No, I'm not joking. And, yeah, I started not to post this but figured I'd be honest.

I have some serious control issues, I'm coming to find out. I wanted to control something and, well, this happened. I mean, yeah, a big part of me wanted a sort of before/after comparison of crappy eating vs good eating so, yeah, I did do an experiment of sorts on what I ate this week and pretty much reverted back to how I used to eat but, huh... This much, huh? Well, I can truly say one thing--salt is NOT my friend. Ever see the Michellin Tire dude? Here have a look:
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h146/frostus27/michelin_man.gif


Yup, that'd be me. :why:


I had no idea a person could gain this much weight in ONE WEEK but, I'm proof to the theory as it were. Yeah, it was INCREDIBLY self-destructive, now that I look back on it and, yeah, the curiosity is MORE than over. Still, I'm more okay with this than I thought I'd be. It was a decision I came to and I accept the results--won't be this spontaneous AGAIN, but, I get it. The good thing is most of this weight I was told is water weight/fluid and will leave within the next 2 weeks. My nutritionist was neutral about it, not advising me to continue said tests on self but not browbeating me about it, either. I'm realizing more and more that I do some of the DUMBEST crap to myself when I'm scared spitless--this is no exception. Well, lesson learned; eating like I have sense again.

This has been a week to remember!


...understatement....

[sueroxmysox]

Lost 9 lbs this weekand am now more convinced than ever that the majority, or at least half, of last week's 17 lbs was water retention. I was, at first, a little nervous, though. Over the past weekedn, I had HORRIBLE abdominal pain and, well, let's just say I got to know my restroom a LOT more. I couldn't eat much for a couple days, mostly nibbled and drank water. Made me even MORe scared of my upcoming appointment and, as cowardly and immature as this may be, made up my mind for me--cuz, I just really don't wanna know--I'm not going. I don't wanna hear any bad news. So, I cancelled it. I'm just gonna willingly go into the realm of indifference on this one--out of sight, out of mind, right? Yeah, I know...an ounce of prevention and all that. I get it. I'm just not strong enough to go through all this stress, so I'm taking it out of the equation. I've been a nervous wrech for WEEKS now, thinking about it and I don't wanna go there anymore. But, the wieght loss, while flooring me as much as troubling me, was seen as normal by my Nutritionist and has gone a long way to taking the load off. I was assured that the pains over the weekend are from my body doing a detox from all that junkfood I indulged in over the last couple weeks--like a HUGE slap on the wrist/"Don't do the sh!t to me again--EVER!" I hear ya, body.

[sueroxmysox]

Friggin' scale's broken inmy section of the clinic again! **grumbles**
http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn315/yardgirlphotos/Bathroom-Cats-VI-Print-C10070971.jpg

According to the 3rd floor scale (which we're still not sure gives the exact weight for the variances in numbers on the different clinic scales), I gained 6 ounces this week but was assured it's fluid for good old Mother Nature paying me a visit and it was estimated that, withou such an occurence, I probably would've been down 1-3 lbs. Ah, well. I'm a woman. These things happen.

**le sigh** Time to leave those snacks alone...MORE WATER!!!!! http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u55/BJ_BOBBI_JO9/Food%20and%20eating%20related/bathroom-scales.gif

[sueroxmysox]

Hi, all! I request LOTS of hugs and chocoloate--screw this diet (irk--HATE that word!)--life sucks right now and I think I gained 2-10 lbs this week!!!! I guess I'm a borderline emotional eater. My aunt, who I love like--honestly, more than--a mother, is doing pretty badly and it's really gotten to me. She called me yesterday and unloaded HEAVILLY, crying and desparing and I had no idea what to do for her, she said she's sick and losing so much weight hed skin's hanging off of her and she's scared and sad that her two youngest children don't have her back and feels like a burden to her oldest and is scared because the doctors can't seem to find the problem in her and she has to get a biopsy for possible colon cancer (which scared me for her, then reminded me of the checkup for possible cancer that I've Iavoided lately and scared the bejeebus out of me all over again)! I feels so helpless and useless in the aftermath of that news. I'm overwhelmed with pity and concern, knowing I really can't stop the proceedings going on in her body. It hurts to think about. My nature is to help people and in her case, outside of get well gifts and odds and ends and a hug or 20, I really can't do anything for her. My weeks-long quest for peace is shattered! ALSO, I lost my friggin' newest chapter--a 22-pager, mind you--due to a friggin' corrupted file on my flash drive and I have no BACKUP! I can't seem to write it again! I'm so screwed! I'm so mad! I'm so sad and hurt and mad and I want my Daddy! I want to be spoiled and I want oblivion and, honestly, I want chocolate! LOTS of it! And, even though I tried, I messed up a LOT this week. There were AIrheads involved...and oatmeal raisin cookies--more than two, is all I'm admitting to...and, um, a personal supreme pizza. And pie... I tried, I really did, to be good, but the cravings, the friggin' comfort of eating crap I KNEW I SHOULDN'T even be contemplating in the amounts I indulged in, were more than I could ignore. So, all week it went; eat crappy, eat well, skip and meal, have a "little nibble of a cookie, candy, fried chicken, it won't hurt" (...BULL!!), eat a LOT of fruits and veggies and drink LOTS of water, getscared, mad, upset, etc. and start nibbling on crappy food again...rinse, lather, repeat! I'm so mad! I'm so sad! I can't deal with this shit right now! I don't know what to do!!! :sobs:

And, as much as I hate to do so, I REALLY wanna cry my heart out...but, it feels like a plug is stuck in my emotions and it won't come. I'm stoppedup emotionally and it hurts...literally. My chest is tight and I have recurring headaches and I'm having a hard time sleeping straight through the night. Suddenly, losing this weight just feels like another seemingly impossible goal totally out of my reach. I don't WANT to give up but it's really getting hard to keep up the good fight. Seems so ungrateful and I feel awful about it but I'm drained...

[sueroxmysox]

No idea what my weight is this week--scale's still broken. Wasn't really all that enthused to find out on another scale either so this week is a big question mark. Still, with the heatwave we're having, my appetite's shrinking; so, maybe I'll break even by next week. We shall see. If the scale's still broken next week--okay, it's been over a MONTH...where's the friggin' funding for new equipment, U of MD!!!?--I'll suck it up and go to another floor in the clinic. Reality is one thing but, knowing the disaster looming on the horizon, I wasn't pushing it. I braved the scale, it was out of order, oh, well...

In other news, it's so friggin' hot that I may have to buckle down and ex...er...cise--GAWD, that word's hard to say!!--and I request help. Nothing huge, just if you can think of any anime songs that make you wanna boogie, please feel free to share them with me. Seriously. I find it easier to dance/move to music I can't sing/understand--it's less distracting when I'm more into the beat, though I do love the singing. All suggestions appreciated.

Had a Little Debbie Swiss Roll today and vow to keep that as my treat for the week and no other. Let's see if I succeed. I FEEL this weight gain and it's dang HOT and HEAVY and SUFFOCATING in 93 degree weather with a heat index of 103 degrees! I got winded and lightheaded today walking a hill I'm VERY used to. I've got to get back to basics and start remembering the things I used to do to get the munchies out of my head. I think I got to complacent in my routine and took for granted that I'd simply work of any indiscretions--um, no...

Good thing about hot weather, I drink CONSTANTLY, therefore keeping my stomach nice and tight and FULL. I had a sandwich, half an apple and two glasses of water for lunch and felt fit to burst. So, yeah, the "summer decrease in appetite" is in effect BIG TIME.

[sueroxmysox]

Again, have no idea what I weigh this week...not really all that pressed to know to be honest. There's a new scale FINALLY but with my balance problems, they couldn't get an accurate reading (it's like those old school scales--with a higher weight allowance). Since I was busy and tired after my clinic appointments this Tuesday (haven't slept soundly/straight through the night in about a week and a half :sobs: ), I didn't want to wait to be escorted to a different section of the clinic to be weighed. I gained. I know I did. Last week was a BAD week for willpower. :why: This week, however, I'm back on track! The nausea I've been experiencing for the last 4 or 5 days is helping curb my appetite DRAMATICALLY, lemme tell ya.

I've got lots of fruit (blueberries, tangerines, raisins and an orange), lots of yogurt and sugar free gum now to curb those junkfood cravings. So far, not too shabby. Gotta work on cutting down my carb intake, now. **le sigh** This weight loss is starting to feel like a war...and I think I'm losing. But, no, I am NOT giving up. No, siree!! Keep those fingers crossed, plz! Thanks! :)

[sueroxmysox]

Lost 2.8 lbs this week...the heat has about MURDERED my appetite and even the cravings for between meal snacks is lessened considerably. I'm happy. I'm satisfied. Honsetly, though, I'm a little surprised. I expected to either break even this week or lose about an ounce or two for my efforts. There was junk food in my week but there was also diligence and added walking and enforced willpower. So, yeah, maybe--even with the days I had to stay indoors because of my feet KILLING me or having to wait on the repairman to fix do last minute repairs for my house inspection--I DID do what was necessary to take a little off this week. Well, okay, then. Happy camper time! **does Cabbage Patch** :dancing: I'm gonna think realistically from now on an expect the estimated 1/2 to 4 lbs of weight loss a week. Please continue to with me luck! Your encouragement really DOES help me, guys! :luv: Thanks so much! :love:

[sueroxmysox]

http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q189/kristen7467/GreatNews.jpg

Miracle of MIRACLES, folks! In a week that involved a 8-piece box of fried chicken, a banana nut muffin (this ginormous bakery ones) an ice cream sandwich and a couple cookies--and 3 days of missed walking because of SERIOUS complications with Aunt Flo and 2 days elevating my sore left ankle--I lost 7.3 lbs! Wow...I'm STILL floored. Just goes to show how unpredictable weight loss is. Still, I'm not gonna take this week's results as gospel--I keep eating food that I'm suggested to steer clear of and I WILL pay the price. We have a cooking class in the Nutrition group at my clinic as part of a statewide study from Johns Hopkins on health awareness in food choices (we're cooking with whole foods rich in potassium and fiber and vitamins and such) and how it affects the community at large. It's interesting. I now know how to saute and how to make a DELICIOUS low-cal brownie with BEANS as one of the main indregients! Yeah, cracked me up, too, till I tasted it! DeLISH, folks! We also get a small bag of food afterwards so we can try the recipe at home. So far, at home, 1 made BarBQ baked beans and smothered cabbage (it has chopped walnuts in it and is MUCH better than it sounds. I'm now also confident in cooking apples on the stove and making rice NOT in a boil-in-bag bag. Since it's so friggin' hot and I'm always so thirsty. lately, I'm really in nibble mode more times than actually hunger. Got a bag of baby carrots and zucchini slices at home with my name on them. I think I'm gonna get some more blueberries, too! Hope everyone's having a great summer!!!!!! Peace!!!! :hug:


...oh, saw this and just HAD to share it....

http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g183/her143/random/bathroom-scale-with-humorous-messag.jpg

:lol:

[sueroxmysox]

...and I was doing so well, too...

I was on my way, guys, to matching the weight loss from last week...then THE COOKOUT happened. It was all so yummy and I didn't realize that mountainous plate of food was gone--one I planned to eat one and wrap up for later--till I was flicking a hot dog bun crumb off my thigh. Um, willpower went AWOL and, well, I may have just gained a lb or 3. **le sigh** The day started so well, too--yogurt, fruits and veggies, a 24 oz bottle of light beer and a strawberry daquiri...then, the munchies kicked in and the result? A delicious reason to pout, then get over it. I'm not starving myself today. I may skip i meal but I'm eating healthily (is that a real word?) and getting on that scale tomorrow like a big girl (**chortles**) and will report in no later than Friday. Accountability helps...

[sueroxmysox]

E-yup...I was right. Gained 3.3 lbs. Yeah, I know, bad me. Working on turning that around. I KNOW I'm retaining water because I can do that weird silly putty trick with my inner thighs where i push in and it takes 2 minutes to go back into its original position. But, hell, I was craving David nacho and ranch sunflower seeds and worked through a big bag--well, about 2/3 bag as a combo--Sunday and yesterday. That and the starchy foods on Sunday at the cookout/birthday party didn't really help matters. Well, better luck next time... I sulked, I pouted, I stomped and whined--then, I got over it. Accountability and all that... Guess this'll be a half-vegan week for me. i like veggies so it's no hardship. We'll see, next week, if my efforts are fruitful. Peace!

[sueroxmysox]

Lost 1/2 lb this week!!!!!!!! Why am i rejoicing on such a minimal amount? Cuz my left knee was out of order from Thursday last week to Tuesday this week and I wasn't able to do more than take out the trash---PAINFULLY, mind you--or go to the bathroom and get an occasional meal or two. The fact that ANYTHING got worked off last week is a miracle to me. I'm working on getting my walking routine back on track and was able to do 16 blocks today--HUZZAH!!!--and will pretty much call it a day with that since my knee's starting to twinge on me. Since my birthday's next week, I'm being REALLY good THIS week so if I give in to my yearly desire to have cake and ice cream, I'll be able to indulge without guilt from a bad week beforehand resulting in a gain. Which would suck. Much. Otherwise, I've been ultra busy with life, family, the juvenile court system, and learning to cook whole foods! I can now make a bean brownie that is drool-worthy! You heard me right! it's voume is mostly black beans. It's actually pretty damn delicious and I'll give the recipe to anyone who's interested. I think back to last year when I half-jokingly mentioned that it'd be cool if I lost 100 lbs in a year....well, guess what? I did! :dancing:

[LupusKim]

Congratulations! You deserve hugs :hugs::hugs: Now you can see that all the hard work you've put into weight loss wasn't a waste. I wish you all the best with your future struggles, and remember- it's worth it!
Oh, and about the recipe, I've never eaten a bean brownie, but if you say it's drool-worthy I think I'll give it a try, so could you give me the recipe?
And once again, best of luck! :<3:

[sueroxmysox]

Oh, thanks bunches, LupusKim! :hug: KUDOS always give me a boost! ;) LOVE that avatar pic from 'Rose Color, My Honey', by the way--the baby tiger's TOO cute! The recipe is home and I'm in a library so give me a bit to go find it and I'll send it to you. My version of the recipe has 3 tbspns of peanut butter and almonds in it...the consistency is brownie/fudge in the end. Heck, I'll post it for all to see! Have a great day!

[sueroxmysox]

Having cake tomorrow...my birthday...will report progress of weight loss by Friday (and, yes, I'm smart enough to wait till AFTER I get weighed to indulge :lol: ).

[sueroxmysox]

What a wonderful birthday!!!! I was spoiled, spoiled, SPOILED in both groups at my clinic which (LOSES CAPLOCK NOW... :sweat: ) and it more than made up for the fact that none of my friends and family left me any bday greetings on my phone--I was too happy to care, honestly! I see I got cyber gifts from shaelyn (one of my biggest supporters) and my lil sissie, HMR1!!!! Oh, joy, rapture!!!!!! :hugs: And there are more surprises to come! I was treated to a healthy birthday party at my nutrition group and my Nutritionist bought me a cute designer notepad and a Starbucks mug (she knows I LOVE me coffee and tea) and the cards were so nice. The Diet Coke cake was DELISH! Tasted like a brownie! The woman that taught us how to cook with whole foods made me a choclate pudding pie with white chocolate shavings that was mostly tofu--it was to DIE for!!!!!! The driver that picked me up made me dinner and the Kale and turkey that I ADORE was given to me at the first party by one of my favorite members...also, the first member to invite me to his house for a healthy meal a few months ago brought in Activia, Dannon and Dannon light & Fit yogurts for the masses (most of which i ended up taking home with me. Plus I got yet ANOTHER offer for a treat to lunch (but I was so full from all the nibbles I skipped lunch yesterday and got a raincheck). I'm so happy...and full off leftovers...and hyper (the Diet Coke cake had regular sugar buttercreme icing...well, no, the baker used I Can't Believe It's Not Butter). Okay, enough rambling about that. Lost 2 lbs this week and am surprised but ecstatic about the news!!!! :dancing: Now, it's the leftovers i have to pull back on that will determine next week's results...Lord, give me skrenff!!!!!! (yeah, I meant "skrenff" over "strength"--'Ebonics moment'...eheh...)

Cyber sends a slice of cake to all my supporters!!!!! :lol: Peace!!!!!!! ;)

[sueroxmysox]

ERM... **huge sweatdrop** ...gained 12 lbs. Now, before you gasp in shock, it is TRULY, mostly fluid--I'm a chick and you other ladies feel my pain, right? Okay, so Mother Nature had a little help...I was craving soup really bad, especially when the rainstorms came in, and had about 2 cans a day (LOTS of soduim) and I gave in to my sunflower seed cravings and ate a big bag of them...and the Sunchips, while not gorging on them, aded to the salt content currently residing in my body. When I got weighed today I was told not to jump out a window (inside joke) and just do a natural detox and if I was up to it, to cut my carbs in half for a few days. I was way ahead of 'em, though, hence my week-long tribute to veggies and yogurt, starting today. :lol: And LOTS of water (been getting a little lax with that...). LOL! I'm not all distraught about this, though. I knew that folks were used to treating me to food and I made as many healthy adjustments to impromptu lunch dates as I could but, well, the cake and misc. stuff wasn't always to easy to say "no" to. So, I indulged, it was damned tasty, and now, it's sticking to my ribs...and hips...and tush...and thighs...and, well, you get the point. I'll work it off.

[sueroxmysox]

Just had a doctor's appointment this morning--lost 2.2 lbs since last weigh-in--Thursday, last week. :HMR1: MUST'VE been fluid cuz I was a baaaaad girl. What can I say? God loves me! **squeeee** I've also found the colon-cleansing powers of beans are really beneficial in this case...lawd, y'all, I'm uber regular to the point of being slightly irregular. But I'm thinking it helped with those 2.2 lbs because i had salt and sugar and plain ole fat in the last week and though I repeatedly got back on the wagon, I didn't expect a loss. So, go me and my chicken and cheese burittos!!!!! TMI? :lol: Hope not. :sweat: Peace!

[sueroxmysox]

I LOVE my Nutritionist! Told her about the weight gain and she just gave me an appraising/encouraging look and said "Well, just gotta get back on that horse. You'll be fine!" I coulda just GLOMPED the woman!!! Also, she made stuffed Portabella mushrooms for the group today--my first time trying them--and they were to DIE for--I had 3 and they totaled less than one carb serving--go, fungus! :lol: All these beens I've been eating, she said, are great for the colon and stomach, which I knew, and she said substituting beens fo bread will also help weight loss so I'll try that. Just wanted to share. Good luck to my fellow weight-losers!!!!! :hug:

[sueroxmysox]

My yearly "checkup" is coming up and, honestly, I'm so tired of being examined and tinkered with "there", from when I got he biopsies and MERINA and subsequent checkups that i just REALLY don't wanna be touched there for, oh, let's say a DECADE. I turned down THAT checkup on my appointment on Monday because I'm just not in the mood. Hell, I'm so tired of being viewed and prodded and poked that I think it's turned me off sex. Seriously. I'm a H, but I'll be a chaste H from now on. The only thing that nags me a bit is the "slightly irregular" term used not only from the examiner that inserted and followed up on the MERINA but also my doctor (who chose to pick the appointment to tell me, oh, MONTHS later. Eh, hell... Don't make me all nervous again, guys. I don't want to live with that uncertainty and fear again. Yeah, i KNOW it's a simple as getting the testing over and finding out but...I'm just burnt out on the entire process. **le sigh**

[sueroxmysox]

I was a coward and didn't get weighed this week. It's gonna be bad so I mentally pleaded the fifth and will attempt to reverse my bad eating habits over the next week or 3. I will say that I had 3 emotionally disturbing incidents in the last week that shook me more than I thought...and I ate...wrong things...in not so little amounts. Yeah, I'm slippin' bad and am truly an emotional eater. No, I haven't given up but I'm struggling a little right about now. **HUGE sigh**

[gin-hayashi85]

http://www.candiecoded.com/Cute/cheerleaders.gif

We're rooting for you!

[sueroxmysox]

**happy :sobs: ** Me wuvs u, gin!!!!!

[sueroxmysox]

Not wanting to be a coward, I tried to get weighed today, but timing was off. I was really busy all morning--okay, I was late to the Nutrion group and the day snowballed from there--and couldn't get anyone to let escort me to a nurses station for the results so...well, I guess I'll try for tomorrow since i have an appointment then. No guarantees with that since I'm still doing last-minute shopping for a retreat for Thursday-Sunday, out of town. Ah, do I EVER need a vacation! August 2010 will go down in history as "bad me" month but I'm back on my grind, now and re-learning the word "no". Also, this cold is REALLY screwing with my appetite so there's a good side, I guess, to feeling utterly congested, light-headed and icky, huh? :lol: Honestly though, without even getting on the scale, I know it won't be a good result. This week, I missed 3 days of potential walking/exercise sweating it out under the covers. And the junkfood didn't help either. The guilt is starting to get to me, no matter how honest I am with myself, I should have had better willpower by now. **le sigh** Well, this week will suck, I know but I'm hoping for a better result in the weeks to come. So, mostly, I think I just needed to vent and disclose. Thanks for listening. :hugs:

[sueroxmysox]

Okay, for real, I wasn't even thinking of the scale till I sat down and logged on and saw this post...I was just AT the dang clinic! Shows you were my priorities are, huh? (or how lack of oxygen to the brain affects memory--seriously, this is WITH cold pills in my system!!! :why: ) I've been struggling to breathe through congestion for a couple days now so my appetite has tanked--I had 1 meal yesterday and so far, 1 today. I'm...just not hungry (not starving myself, mind you). I want sugar-free gum and lots of liquid...and maybe some sugar-free JELLO. Well, the retreat is tomorrow and there's lots of hiking trails, which I'm looking forward to, so hopefully my energy level will increase by the time I get there. Otherwise, I guess next Wednesday or Thursday, I'll fill you all in. Yeah...I'm rambling. :irk:


...erm, shutting up, now... :sweat: