*sigh* girlfriend V.s Great Granmother

[Spit]

I'm living w/ my great granma (Why? Thats a whole other story.) and my stepmom. Wel, i got a g/f june 23 of this year. I love her. But, my Ggm (great granmother) dislikes her. Every time she call my house Ethel (My Ggm's name) gits on the other line and listens in on our conversations. I try to approach her and tell her to get off, but she always replies w/ "It my phone and i dont half to!" so i get fed up and sometimes spend the night at her house. (Ethel HATES it, and MY G/f's mom is fine w/ it) My G/F (Grace) Has a Half black/white friend. We use to get along for a while, but after a month she hated me. (It is her only friend, for her and Grace) I understand that she might get jealous and think i'm taking her away from her. But lately she always makes a scene whenever i'm there. For Ex. she would get mad for not hearing her talk when she is talking to me and starts hiting herself and threatening to kill herself. I plan upon being a phycology major and i just see this action as a action for attention. The bodom line is, I barely get to talk to her at home, and when i do go over to her house i haft to put up w/ her needy friend. She (Grace) has gone through alot and Its going to take more than a 83 year old and a ***** to make me break up w/ her. I what to see someone else's opinion on this, and what do I do about Ethel and her friend? I'm tired of ignoring it and grace says she is going to do something about her friend (She hasnot though). No to mention, Ethel wants me to move out b/c she doesnt want me going out w/ her. (She is about to take me off her will.) Help please!?!?!?!?!!?

Sory if the paragraph is hard to understand...

[Sasami86]

...Wow...You've got it tough. On one hand, your old fashioned Great-grandmother, and on the other, your girl's best friend....hmm...The only solution I can think of is sit down with each party and ask them "What they don't like about Grace/me?" I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but that's how I would try and deal with the situation. Good luck. ^^

[Cireus]

As horrid as this will likely sound to you, maybe you could try planning to do some things with her and her friend ... I mean, if you're going to the movies, maybe see if her friend wants to go, too. Sometimes it is better to be nice in situations like that than it is to be mean or demanding. You'll come off as a real sweetheart, and girls LIKE sweethearts ;) It's hard to sit down with people and ask them what they don't like, IMO, just because if it's not worded well, they will go on the defensive and, well, you might end up worse off than you are. If you're good with situations like that, then sure, but you also need to understand something that took me awhile to figure out: sometimes it doesn't matter WHAT you do; if they're set to dislike you/her, then that's how it'll be no matter what you try.

As for your great grandmother ... well, I'm sure that she has good intentions for you. I'm sure she loves you, and maybe it's sort of the same with her. Parents, grandparents, great-grandparents are pretty alike in one simple thing: they don't like to admit that their little ones are growing up. I would tell her in a calm and open way that you aren't a baby any longer, and that one day everyone will have to trust in the values they've spent your lifetime teaching you.

All in all, it sounds like you're in for a heck of a ride, one way or another, and as much as you may feel as though it's unfair, my best advice would be to remain calm and keep in mind how this entire situation makes you feel, because the last thing you want to do is to make your girl feel that way, too. By getting angry or by arguing with her friend, that's exactly what you'll be doing, and while it's not entirely fair to you, either, eventually she'll see that you're really just a nice guy ... and she'll adore you for that :)

[U4ric]

I’m afraid I’m going to be a bit of a harsh person here. But before I do, keep in mind we don’t really know the full situation and I do not intend to offend anyone on a personal level. I just tend to be a bit of a no BS/cut to the chase type person. And I have no illusions that what I say is good advice. This just my gut reaction given the limited facts.

In respects to your Ggm, the fact is you are living in someone else’s home and using someone else’s phone. If I were staying with my Grandmother (as a grown woman no less) rent free where she (or someone other than myself) provided me not only with a roof over my head but also food and other means of support, I would feel obligated to respect the terms as she dictated them seeing as I’m imposing on her generosity.

Freedom and responsibility go hand in hand for me. Heck when I was between houses I lived with a friend for a couple weeks with my 2 yr old daughter (my husband was at a training conference at that time). I worked my behind off to be sure the closing would go off without a hitch because no matter how good a friends someone is I knew we were imposing and I felt I needed to respect the rules of her home. When I closed on my house I felt more freedom as I gained more responsibility.

Much of our society seems to give the illusion that we are entitled to things, when it is just not so. Your Ggm does not have to house you, feed you, etc. My guess is she does it because she loves you (but you didn’t really clarify that). It’s alright for her not to like your girlfriend because those are her feelings, but she also needs to understand that you will not allow her to dictate your choice in companions. Mabe she's worried you are making a mistake. If this relationship is a mistake then it will die of its own accord, but even so it will not be in vain because we learn something from every situation – even ones that do not work out. Some people want to protect their kids from everything so that nothing bad will happen and I feel that is a big disservice because at some point, something bad WILL happen. When it does, will the child be able to cope?

And the will thing – only you can determine if you can be bought. Again, this will sound harsh but that seems like a lame threat. You either care about your gf or you don’t – a will shouldn’t make a difference. Maybe Ethel has millions and you feel as if can’t pass that up. Well then that is the price you have to pay. Just as it’s her house, it’s her money/property. The fact she even mentioned it makes me wonder if she doesn’t think that’s all she is to you and you’re just waiting for her to die so you can get your inheritance. Perhaps reassurance from you that that is not the case would help (I’m just throwing out ideas though).

As far as the friend goes, frankly you are all at an age where petty jealousy can run rampant. We don’t even know the circumstances so I don’t want to guess. Trying to include the friend more might work if it doesn’t come off as if you are insincere in the invitation. But if she’s threatening suicide, she must see you as a serious threat. Seems to me your gf’s friend may not be considering how this is affecting your gf.

So it seems to be the question you are posing is #1 – What do I do about Ethel? #2 What does Grace do about her friend?

#1 – All I can think of is to tell Ethel that you do not appreciate her interference in you personal life and although you understand that she does not approve of your gf, it’s not going to change your relationship with Grace. If she threatens the will thing all you can say is “That is your decision to make, my feelings can’t be bought. Besides, I’d prefer having you around over an inheritance anyway.” Or something like that depending on your circumstances.

#2 – Well it seems Grace needs to set those boundaries with her friend and make it clear that her friend is hurting Grace’s feelings by not trusting Grace to have room in her life for both of you. As far as what you can do? That’s a tough call but I guess just be sure you are there to support Grace and back her up and be willing to take a back seat from time to time if her friend is going to do the same for you.

Anyway .. that’s it :D

[Spit]

Thank you all. I have been w/ Ethel since I was 3 years old and wheve been through alot. I'm not using Ethel for her house, I just see it bad when you half to take someone off there will just b/c you date someone they dont like. (Dont get me wrong, a free house isnt bad) I will try to put ALL of youre opinions into actions. Thanks again...

[gin-hayashi85]

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