Loss

[InuYoukaimama]

Ok,
Really, I didn't run away. I've just been underground for a while.
Some of you know and some of you don't.
I lost my 14 1/2 year old precious Rott mix on May 1st this year. My precious Saddie Girl.
It's probably been the hardest loss of my lifetime.

I've never really ever been an adult without her. I was 19 when I got her.
As some of you can imagine, it was a devestating blow for me.
I came home on that Monday night and she wasn't getting up. I helped her to her feet and we went about our nightly routine. It was late, I hadn't made it home from work until 10:30pm and I had to leave at 8:00am the next morning for another shift.

So after our regular routine, I turned out the lights and walked passed her laying in the bedroom door way and said, "Come on ol' girl, let's go to bed" and she looked at me. I went in and laid down and I could see her. She didn't get up and come to the dog bed that is by the head of my bed.

I got up. I went over to see if I could help her up. When I reached down this time to help her up. She screamed out.

I knew in that instant.
I knew. And my heart stopped beating.
She was in pain.
For the first time in 14 1/2 years she was in pain and there was nothing I could do.

I laid on the floor with her and cried.
That morning, I took her to work.
Surrounded by my husband, my mother and my best friend Kayla *(who was the unfortunate one who had to put her to sleep) and me.
We helped her pass on to the Rainbow Bridge on May 1st. We let her go with dignity and she went, quietly, peacefully.

My precious baby girl.
Was gone from me, for the first time in my life, I felt completely and utterly alone.
Time helps to heal your heart, the pain never subsides.
But, I'm starting to feel again. I'm starting to live again.

Ok.
Well, that sucked. I'm crying now.

But, I just wanted to say hi and check in and let everyone know, I was still out here. Just coming back to the surface slowly.

Thanks.
Christie

[DawnFire]

*hugs you to pieces!* gah that almost made me cry, I can't even begin to imagine going through what you did. hehe you've already heard me say this, but I am so sorry for your loss and you know that we are always here for you! I'm glad to see you posting again, I've thought about you and how you were doing and figured you needed time to yourself to think and just to grieve. It's hard losing a pet, because they aren't just pets, they're friends and part of the family. But her memories will always be a part of you and I was happy to hear when you told me you were making a scrapbook and shadowbox. I think that's perfect :)

So my friend, we all love you very much and are always here for you!

[OROsan0677]

Aw, I'm sorry for your loss! I would do the same thing if I was in your situation though; sometimes you just need to be alone.

[gin-hayashi85]

I know how you feel Inu-mama. Maybe it wasn't 14 years...but I had a dog all my own. One of those sweet dogs that chooses you. Not you choosing them. We called her Dixie. She was a small Pekingese and was pretty much attached to my hip. I was only like....10 at the time...but a dog that truly is happy when you get home from school and would take on a rottweiler for you is....I don't even know the word.....

I lost her after she had only 1 litter of (The most unusual colored) puppies and was only 2 years old. I'm not sure if I should say this blunt out so Ill warn you...how she died was not pretty.
She got in the backyard with me and our german shepherd. The bigger dog isn't mean but she isn't too bright either and was attached to her toy rocks...yes rocks...like most are to food... a fight started.... a barely 2 ft tall mini dog verses a shepherd. I think the rest is self explainitory. I watched her take her last breath.

I cried for days afterward. It was my fault in a way.... I should have been more careful about her getting where she was... sigh....

I don't even want to think about our poor Nibbles passing on....he 15 yrs old and the same breed as Dixie. Manners of a gentleman and now totally blind. Had him most of my life now and I don't want to think about not seeing him anymore. My little brother is younger than Nibbles is.

I hope you feel a bit better soon. I know not grieving anymore can feel like your cheating a lost loved one. But I bet Saddie wants you happy. Be strong. We are always here for ya.

[MouF]

*Hugs InuYoukaimama, then goes for the tissues*

I know how you feel. The first dog we had that I remember, I was like 5 maybe 6 years old. He was my best friend for a long time. I was in college when Chip died. 16 years I've known him. My parents got other dogs since then but I was already out of the house with my boyfriend (hubby now). We could not have a dog before we bought the house. It been now 4 years that Delphine been with us (don't ask about the name, we had her from an elderly couple) and my daughter just turn 2. I'm a little sad because she'll have to learn that sad fact of life: dogs don't outlive you.

*goes back to the tissues*

[StefiKittie]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the grief your feeling. I have a Pitty/Rotty mix and she is my world. Even thinking about her hurting pains me. I couldn't imagine losing her. Gin-Hayashi is right, Saddie would want you to be happy, most dogs are very aware of changes in emotions, and I'm sure she liked it better when you were happy (my dog goes into "comfort" mode when I'm sad). *Huggles InuYoukaimama* I hope you feel better soon.

[kamp]

my puppy is 9 years old and i just can't imagine not having him around anymore. he's both "mean" and very affectionate. and i always worry that he might give himself a heart attack barking at people, or get thrashed in a fight. he's been known to antagonize big dogs (3/4ths chiuaua vs. a dog 10x his weight). just as i've been known to step in the middle and separate them. i am far too attached to him.

i hope you feel better soon.

[cat_chan]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can imagine, what pain it can be. I have two guinea pigs, it's not the same like a dog, but they are my babies and when I think of them dying on old age, I become very sad. It's only a little fraction of, what are you going through, but be strong for your dog. I think, she wouldn't want you to feel you bad. Be happy for her.

*many cuddles for you*

[Sophia]

*tight hugs* I'm very sorry for your loss; I can understand how devastating the situation was for you.. because I had to put my "baby" to sleep last year.. she was a chihuahua and we practically grew up together.. I understand how rough this can be, but I'm glad that you're starting to feel better. I thought that the feeling of emptiness and loss will never go away, but slowy (but surely) those pains will turn into precious memories that you will hold dearly forever in your heart~ I can now look at my baby's photo albums and be like "oh remember this time... " and smile about it. I think it's important that you let yourself be sad, but let yourself be comforted as well. Time heals all, well most, things; I hope that you will be on that road of healing soon and again, I'm terribly sorry for your loss~ *lots of hugs*

[Dane]

What have I loss?
Hmmmmm... As I think of is I loss in the battle for my school life. My dream that I will end my college years within 4 years because I shifted in another course. I have cried for about a week in losing the thing that I want. My heart was broken because of this thing that had happened in my life. That thing is very important to me.

The wrong decisions that I have made that the horror of the results or consequence that until now I am facing. I know this kind of loss is lame but that is very hard to get rid of life

[dreamheaven]

Inuyoukaimama.....my deepest condolence to you.
I have an inclination of how you must feel. I've experienced the terrible lost of my two dogs who were my most loyal closest companions ever.
The grieving is painful and you'll have to be strong for this period. When the pain stops then you'll still have beautiful memories of Saddie Girl.
Time does heal most if not all wounds.

[gin-hayashi85]

Intimate and personal issues in Level Zero that have been left alone for extended periods will be closed unless the originator wishes to open it again. PM me if the Original Poster wishes it open.